Episode Report Card 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Hard Candy Mary Christmas
By Gwen | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.17.2000
Simon's still on the phone. He says, "It doesn't make any difference to me, either. It's like I know you so well. Like we really know so much about each other already. Yeah, it is weird. Isn't it great?" Oh, no. Simon met a dirty old man on the Internet. That has to be it.
Mike the Formerly Suicidal Boy comes to the CamPound to see Lucy. RevCam introduces him to Robbie. Mike spews all the gossip he knows about Robbie by way of introductory pleasantries. Lucy comes down in her ugly robe and hauls Mike to the living room. RevCam suggests that he and Robbie have a sandwich and a chat. "Sure, what can I make you?" asks Robbie. Eric is surprised but pleased. "Robbie will be a better wife to me than Annie ever was!" we see him thinking.
Mike tells Lucy that he got early acceptance to college. "Yes!" she yells. She asks why he didn't come over to tell her earlier, then assumes he was on a date, then forgives him for being on a date since they aren't exclusive, then gives him a slight guilt trip about not telling her first, anyway. I think we're supposed to infer from this behavior that Lucy's jealous. Mike just looks at her like she's rude, echoing my actual thoughts.
RevCam compliments Robbie's sandwich-making skills. Robbie proffers this tip for gourmands: he mixed the ketchup with a little mayo. "Sort of a Russian dressing," he explains. Matt walks in on his well-worn mooching trail. He's inordinately annoyed by Robbie's presence. Lucy stalks in and says, "Mike had a date!" No one cares. Matt pissily questions his father. Watch out, Matt. You're about to be replaced by a man who creates Russian dressing from common household condiments.
Mary, in her absolute tons of make-up, calls the CamPound, only to be hung up on by Ruthie. She calls again and says, "Ruthie, it's Mary!" "Yeah, I know," says Ruthie before hanging up again. Mary calls back and yells for Ruthie to put Annie on the phone. "Whatever you say," says her little sister. Then she hangs up. It would have been funny if I didn't hate this show. Ruthie runs upstairs.
Robbie combs his hair shirtlessly in the CamBath. The phone rings. Strangely, he pulls two phones out of the hamper and answers one. Mary, confused, tells him that she has the wrong number. Then she calls back. Robbie walks into the hall with the two phones, confused and clad only in a blue towel. Ruthie takes the ringing phone from him and hangs up on Mary again. She asks Robbie if Mary knows about him staying at the CamPound. "I don't know," says Robbie, "but look at my muscular torso." Annie walks up. Simon comes out of his room and asks if the phone was for him. Annie meanly asks if he was expecting a call. Ruthie says that she never, ever, ever wants to talk to the big, bad Mary again. She and Simon disappear. Annie glares at Robbie and takes a call from Mary. RevCam shows up and feasts his eyes while Robbie apologizes for breaking the nakedness rule. Robbie goes back into the bathroom, and Rev yells through the door at him. He says that Robbie can stay at their house until he finds a shelter in which to live. "Matt went home!" Annie bellows. RevCam asks if Mary wanted to talk to him. Robbie leaves the bathroom, and Annie gives him a filthy look. RevCam says that Robbie has a 4.0 GPA and is on the dean's list, even though he's homeless. If RevCam hadn't known Robbie for the past year, he'd want to adopt him. "You should get the divorce, first," Annie seethes. Damn, Annie. Mellow out. I mean, I know you're mad that Robbie interrupted your night of sex, and you're sad that the night of sex was only going to be with Eric, anyway…but try to cope, woman. Anyway, I liked this scene. It was a colorful pastiche of nothingness.
Annie goes to Ruthie's room and chews her out for hanging up on Mary. Ruthie says something smart-alecky and doesn't get punished.