Episode Report Card LuluBates: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Smackdown
By LuluBates | Season 2 | Episode 10 | Aired on 07.12.2010
Jacqueline figures out that Teresa is stalking Danielle and runs up to try and convince her to leave Danielle alone to her miserable life at least until the next time they are contractually obligated to interact with her. But Teresa has Crazy Eyes and a Mission From the Future and can't be convinced. Ashley thinks it's a good idea to show up and Jacqueline spanks her and sends her back home. Ashley, being deranged and hepped up on hormones and adrenaline, shrieks that Jacqueline chose Danielle over her own daughter. PLEASE let Jacqueline kick her out of the house again! And her little dog, too! Teresa appears to have had enough and heads back inside to pretend that she was just trying to be nice the whole time. She was chasing Danielle for a cuddle! She wanted to hug it out! She is sending an Edible Arrangement from the strip mall in Franklin Lakes tomorrow! Hugs and kisses! Some women (Kim D.) believe her, but Kim D.'s brain has been frozen solid by years of overzealous Botox injections.
Meanwhile, Jacqueline has staked out Kim G.'s Bentley. It's hard to tell whether she is acting as sentinel or if she is concerned that Danielle is going to have her daughter arrested (she totally is) or if she is trying to get up the courage to apologize to Danielle (ha ha!) or is just being a passive aggressive mega bitch and intimidating Danielle. Danielle calls the cops (making sure they realize this is Danielle Staub, yes, of Real Housewives fame), Kim G. jumps out of the car to get her purse that she somehow left inside the banquet hall. Inside Kim G. quickly decides the best course of action is to approach Kim D. and Teresa. The first thing out of her mouth? LIES. Shocking, I know. She tells Teresa that she knows Teresa was just trying to be nice. Holy shit. Is there some sort of mass delusion going on in Franklin Lakes? Is LSD being pumped into the drinking water. Ashley joins the gaggle, boasting that she pulled Danielle's hair. Even Teresa gives her a what the fuck? face because what the fuck? WHO DOES THAT? Not even Teresa. Ashley pretends that she though Danielle hurt her mommy, which is also LIES and Kim D. comforts her for her well meaning ways. These bitches are crazy.
The cops show up while Jacqueline is still standing stock still staring into Danielle's car. All the old bejeweled biddies are bidding farewell to each other as the cops pull into the driveway. Danielle is hysterical in the back of the car as the cop takes her statement. No one seems overwhelmingly impressed with the hair pulling because part of the hair was a weave. The cops also have no place to mark either "weave pulling" or "emotionally traumatized" on their citation forms. The cops go in to talk to Ashley, who being emotionally deficient and mildly brain damaged, sees absolutely no problem with her behavior this evening. Also asked for her statement is Teresa who plays dumb ...er, dumber and pretends she has no idea why the cops would want to talk to her about her actions this evening. No one gets arrested, which is sad for Bravo because that would have been awesome for their ratings and publicity. Teresa settles herself into Jacqueline's Range Rover and braces herself for the scolding. Jacqueline tsk tsks that she didn't have to say hello to Danielle, WHICH IS TOTALLY TRUE and probably the closest thing Teresa will get to a reality check. Because that was pretty abysmal behavior. In the confessional, Danielle is still really upset. She doesn't understand why they have to treat her like that. And, frankly, she has a point. Don't get me wrong, Danielle is completely fruit loops, but this? This was too much.