Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Inherit Rygel's Wind
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 8 | Aired on 06.22.2000
In the streets, Zhaan finds Chiana and Rygel (good!) but trips over a dead body (bad!). Convenient cops rush to arrest her, but Zhaan resists this time. The map has already burned up in her hands. Ah, self-destructing evidence, only a lawyer planet could dream that one up. The guy Roman was talking to earlier watches as Zhaan is once again subdued by cattle prods. He announces she's under arrest for murder.
Back in her cell and back with her original lawyer, Zhaan insists she was set up and did not murder the individual known as Wesley Kenn, who is, I'll have you know, a "rising young equal rights advocate for the Utilities." The "Utilities" are what they call the poor un-argumentative sods that make up the other 10% of Litigara's pop. They are the bartenders, the cooks, the barristas. They are as blue as blue collar comes. Zhaan stands accused of crushing Kenn's neck with her bare hands -- something she already tried to do to Dersh. In Litigaran society, those blue collars are beholden to the lawyer class. In San Francisco, we have the reverse effect. See, those bartenders, those cooks, those barristas, well, they stand between the white Arrows, Gladstones, and Etons and their hand-crafted cocktails, their home-schooled potatoes, and their $20,000 cups of H.G. Wellsian coffee. It does my light blue heart good to see the hand-tailored shirts panting at the bar, desperately trying to get love and liquor from a thoroughly aware yet unrushed 'tender.
Dersh ruefully exposits that Kenn was a "troublemaker," and not too many are sad to see the end of his radical, equality-seeking ways. Chiana doesn't care about local politics and wants to know what can be done for Zhaan. Not much, she's due to be executed in three days. Her only defense is her own testimony. "You're her lawyer -- you know, make something up!" Chiana insists. Dersh explains that if he defends a case he even suspects is false, he'll be executed as well. Confusingly, he makes to leave, saying, "I'll see you in court!" So, it's already known that she's gallows fodder, but they still try the case? Waste of taxpayers' money, and also very Deep Space Nine's "Tribunal"-y.
As heart-thrilling, "we're so proud of our legal system because that's all we are" music plays, Zhaan is led to a standing prisoner's dock. Rygel sums it all up for us, "This is a very ass-backwards world." He goes on, derisively, "They don't have monarchs or political parties, they have ruling law firms." Rygel's been doing his homework and explains the that law firm currently in power is known as "Rhuman, Willian...something." Oh, so Rhuman, not "Roman." Whatev. I'm sure they meant us to hear "Roman" because of the jackholery of Roman law. Rygel goes on that Rhuman's first name is Ja. "Ja Rhuman" is the name of a senior partner at a ruling law firm? Yeah, there's no way I'm not calling him Ja Rule from here on out, sorry. Rygel points out Ja Rule sitting on a ledge above them and a line of jurors. A woman in a black and red robe bangs the court to order with a silver saltshaker. Why doesn't anyone use regular hammer gavels any more? Are they dangerous? Do the heads keep flying off and killing people, or something? Are there no good gavel makers to ensure the safety of our courtrooms, board of supervisor meetings, or He-Man Women-Haters clubs anymore? Apparently, a hammer gavel from these people recently appeared on Regis and Kelly. Must be pretty special. I wonder if Kelly insulted the entire gaveling community when she said she didn't know where the handle had been. Between the Klingons and these folks, I'm quite nostalgic for the old ways. I think I'm going to start a Facebook group called "Bring Back the Hammer Gavels" or "Where Have All the Hammer Gavels Gone?" or "Desperately Seeking Hammer Gavels."