Episode Report Card Cate: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lost
By Cate | Season 6 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.25.2001
Robbie rings the doorbell of Joy's house and waits until she comes to the door. Shouldn't the butler be answering the door? Joy passive-aggressifies (tm gwen), "I thought I was too rich and stuck-up and selfish for you to talk to." She's trying so hard to remember her line that she doesn't even attempt to do any acting at the same time. That's probably just as well. Joy's father calls to her from somewhere inside the house, so Joy says she will be right back. She doesn't even invite Robbie into the house. She just leaves him on the doorstep, but not before simpering, "Don't go anywhere…ever." It's the kind of dialogue I would have thought was really clever when I was twelve.
Lucy and Mary are still listing off their husband requirements. They've moved into the super-important category of eating habits. Are you interested in hearing their views? I didn't think so. Before Mary can tell us how she'd prefer her husband to hang the toilet paper, Dopey and Simon interrupt. They're dressed to go out, and they're each carrying a twin. RevCam realizes that the guys are planning to use the twins to pick up women. Ah, so I guess he saw that episode of Friends too -- the one that this plot is ripped off from. Dopey just claims that they're bringing the boys out "to breathe a little fresh air." When RevCam points out that the boys will be asleep soon, Dopey earnestly replies, "Well, sleeping people breathe too!" We should listen to him. I'm sure he knows all about complicated medical stuff like that, seeing as how he's an orderly!
Joy hands Robbie a bottle of soda and tries to drum up our interest with a toast: "Here's to sharing secrets." I really could not care less about Joy's secrets, but it seems that Robbie wants to know. Joy explains that today is her brother's birthday -- her brother, Joseph, who disappeared a few years ago. Murray the dog barks loudly here. Could it be -- I don't know -- foreshadowing of some sort? Joy starts to tell the story of how she was helping her brother, who was seven at the time, bathe their dog (A dog? You mean like Murray?) in the front yard, "because that's where the gardener left the hose." Heh. I love how all the people who tell their sad stories on 7th Heaven always include these little extra details, as if to boost the reality quotient. Considering that the stories themselves are usually absurd, I guess the little details are supposed to make them more believable. Murray barks again. Yeah, Murray, we know you have something important to tell us! Give the girl a chance to finish her story first, okay? Joy says that she went into the house for more towels, and when she came back out, Joseph was gone. The towel was still there, and the water was still running (gotta love those details), but Joseph was gone. Am I the only one who can't take this at all seriously? Maybe it's the fact that Joy and Robbie are two of the worst actors I've ever seen, or that I instinctively know that this storyline will turn crappy soon. If someone real were telling me about a missing child, I'd feel terrible about it. But all I can think here is: Have they thought of checking for Joseph in the Spelling mansion? There are over a hundred rooms, you know. Or maybe it wasn't such a good idea for Joy's family to have a driveway made out of quicksand. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I just can't bring myself to believe in these characters. Robbie apologizes a lot, furrowing his brow slightly to indicate "sadness," while Joseph's dog -- oops, I mean, Murray -- barks some more.
Simon and Dopey are sitting on a bench on the Promenade, scoping out chicks. What would you think if you saw two people holding twins? I'd assume these were the babies' parents. I think most people would assume that. So I'm not sure how this is supposed to help the guys pick up women. And actually, it doesn't. Two twenty-something women come along, and one coos over the babies. The other one -- who looks a little like Chickenhead -- bitches out Simon and Dopey for keeping the little boys up so late. Okay, no great loss -- these women were a good ten years too old for Simon anyway. But they were being a little harsh, I thought. Maybe if the girls knew that the only example of parenting that Simon and Dopey have seen has been a woman who kicked them out of the house and into an unfinished treehouse, they'd have been more understanding.