Episode Report Card Joe R: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Punishment Lighter
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 10.02.2005
Valley State. Nancy's been waiting for a bit, and when Sanjay eventually shows up, we see why. He's fucking baked. He looks at Nancy, says it's so good to see her, and tried to kiss her. She pulls back and he apologizes -- he's just really high. But she is so, so pretty. Nancy asks when Sanjay started getting high. "Right after I started selling," he says, and Nancy's dismayed. Another youth she's led astray. Sanjay spots a campus rent-a-cop and bugs out, leaving Nancy and her full satchel of weed to be busted.
Rent-A-Cop throws Nancy into the back of his car and dumps her weed out into his front seat. He knows all about her, how she's been dealing on campus, that she's a widow living in Agrestic with two kids, etc. She asks if he's going to arrest her, and he makes a big show of relenting, saying she's never to show her face on campus again. He pulls out a switchblade (!) and cuts Nancy free of the rubber cuffs he put on her (nice campus security touch there). Nancy then -- and this is some balls -- asks if she can have her shit back. She does that MLP thing where she's smiling and crying at the same time, because she knows how ridiculous this request is, and pleads that this shit right here is her mortgage payment and she needs to have it. Rent-A-Cop is silent for a moment, then tells Nancy she has five minutes to get the hell off his campus.
PTA meeting. Head Gossipy Bitch Maggie is leading the proceedings, with her ostentatious crystal gavel and snotty-ass personality. Celia enters wearing her bitchin' new platinum wig and proceeds to the podium, but Maggie tells her she's in charge now, as the PTA needs "a reliable and healthy leader." Celia silently takes a seat at the back of the room, though her face reads, Oh, it's fucking on, then? Maggie crows about being one of the first families to move to Agrestic "back when it was just a golf course," and then moves on to the most pressing issue of the day: the gym teacher needs to be fired, because he's been spotted working in the ladies' shoe department at Nordstrom's, "and we all know what that means, right?" Pam: "He can get us 10% off?" Hee. Oh, Pam. Celia, from the back, says this isn't exactly news; she's known about it for years. Maggie is aghast that Celia knew and did nothing. "I don't think it's appropriate for our kids to learn wrestling from a gay. ...Man." Celia sighs that he's gay, not a pedophile, as there is a difference. Maggie shuts Celia down ("your time is up") and calls for a vote; it's overwhelmingly in favor of firing the gym teacher. I'm certain his lawyer will be sending Maggie flowers. Celia sees which way the winds are blowing and she collects herself and leaves, muttering, "Like hell my time is up."