Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Parenting Is Hard
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.16.2005
Ruth's in her kitchen sniffing mayonnaise. Seriously, that's what she's doing. Rico comes in and asks what big occasion is meriting the batch of famous potato salad that Ruth is whipping up. Ruth tells Rico about Victoria's party, and mentions Victoria's old sitcom. Rico comments, "I saw that show once or twice. Seemed sort of stupid." Ruth snaps that Victoria's a friend, and Rico apologizes. Whatever. I used to have tons of actor friends, and I mocked the shit they were in all the time. Which, come to think of it, might by why I used to have tons of actor friends. Oh, well. At least I developed valuable skills that I'm now using before your very eyes. Rico asks how Ruth is doing as a singleton, and she starts in again on her busy calendar of cultural events. She even invites him to the McInerney reading the next day. Rico passes, saying he's going to be too busy sneaking out of work tomorrow. Or something like that. Ruth hands him a forkful of salad and asks if there's too much dill. As Rico raises the fork to his lips, Ruth says he must be happy to be back with Vanessa. Rico confesses that Vanessa never wants to have sex with him. "I can't get her to look at me with that same hunger she used to have." Aw, Rico. Maybe she's just out of crackers. He continues, "The most horrible part is when I look at her? I still get so fucking hard." Ruth suggests masturbation, and reveals that "There were long periods in my marriage to Nathaniel when he was constantly masturbating." LALALALA-I'MNOTLISTENINGTORUTHANDRICO! Rico yells that he wants passion. "I want my wife to want me so bad that every time I walk by, she wants to squeeze my ass and grab my--"
An abrupt cut to a different angle in the suddenly silent kitchen leaves us wondering just how much of the last few seconds Rico fantasized. He says distractedly, "Uhh, yeah, too much dill." D'oh!
Rico's not the only one having fantasies, judging by the self-portrait of the artist as a young suicide that Claire's currently doodling on her napkin in the break room at work. She's sitting with Perky Cubemate, who's currently regaling Nerd Drone with some boring story about the bar from last night. Nerd Drone loves it, of course. A slick, young-looking guy in a suit comes in and asks Perky Cubemate for some figures by the end of the day. Perky Cubemate: "5:00 okay?" Slick guy: "Yeah, baby." He notices Claire's doodle over her shoulder, and she quickly tucks it away, embarrassed. He introduces himself to Claire as Ted, and Nerd Drone explains that Ted's the company's lowest-paid lawyer. A lofty distinction, that. Of course, it will no doubt immediately make him Claire's favorite lawyer. It comes out that Ted was also at the bar the previous night, and he says he'll try to make it again tonight. He leaves the room, and Claire looks after him speculatively. Oh, no, baby. On second viewing, Lawyer Ted isn't as good-looking as I originally thought. Maybe Claire's just looking for someone who isn't revealed to be a total train wreck inside of five minutes. I give this guy ten.