Episode Report Card Camper: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gay As Blazes? Hard As Anvils.
By Camper | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2002
Okay, so at this point, I'm supposed to comment on the similarities between Howard Bellwether's behavior, and that of Andrew Sullivan, who was caught in similar circumstances. I've gotten quite the education on Mr. Sullivan this week, not to mention the perils of barebacking in re mutant HIV strains, for which I once again thank our loyal posters. Andrew Sullivan? Not so much a fan. However, I will point out, in his defense, that CowLip -- if they are indeed trying to satirize his situation -- has managed to misrepresent and muddle the situation to an ever greater extent. But it's hard to hit someone with the Hammer of Hypocrisy without getting bruised yourself. I mean, really -- a long term, supposedly committed couple that justifies fucking around? Someone needs to be a little careful where they point that mirror. Thanks for listening.
"We are not giving Brian Kinney an award!" Tannis screeches, not realizing that her head mic is on. She stands with Mel and L. in the middle of the reception room, where various minions are setting up for the awards dinner. Phillip trots up to take the head mic from her and snipes, "Our mistake was sending committee neophytes to do co-chair work in the first place." He says that if Brian insists on accepting the award, the GLC is just going to have to refuse to give it to him. Lindsay says that's not really a good idea. Melanie tries to shush her, but Lindsay goes on to say that if they rescind the award, the GLC will be in breach of promise, and Brian will sue. Tannis is shocked. Well, duh. Lindsay grins, "'Non-profit' will take on a whole different meaning." Tannis asks Melanie whether Brian can do this. Melanie's like, yeah, pretty much. Phillip whines that it would ruin them financially, to say nothing of the public humiliation! Melanie suggests, as the Center's counsel, that they just give Brian the award. Phillip pouts, "Well, you can tell Mr. Kinney that he can add blackmail to his long list of accomplishments." Tannis and Phillip storm off. Melanie's impressed by Lindsay's quick thinking. Lindsay chuckles, "Well, you fuck a lawyer, you pick up a few things." So to speak. Sorry, there's a shortage of bad puns this week, I'm just trying to pick up the slack. Lindsay and Melanie both make this cute "whew!" motion with their hands and book out.
Babylon! One of the go-go dancers is dressed as Babylon Man, complete with eye mask and a big "B" painted in the middle of his chest. No hammer, though. The camera moves past the dancing hordes until it rests on Mike, Ted, and Emmett at the bar. Ted is outraged at Bellwether's behavior: "That smug, sanctimonious hypocrite. Who the fuck does he think he is, judging everyone else's behavior?" Mike replies, "Especially Brian's." Ted bemoans that he spent twenty-five dollars on Howie's book. Mike snarks, "Maybe he'll use the money to buy rubbers." Ted demands, "Is there any such thing as decency left?!" Emmett pouts, "Once upon a time. 'Til I came along." Mike and Ted are all, you had sex with the other one, too? Emmett whines that he couldn't help himself. Mike's like, didn't you say they were a happily committed couple? Emmett blames himself, not them: "Obviously, against my powers of seduction, they didn't stand a chance!" Or they're big fat lying hypocrites; pick one. "Hammer" starts with an "H," too, after all. Brian insinuates himself in the middle of the group. Mike isn't particularly happy to see him. Brian's happy to see Mike, though, and asks him to dance. Mike turns him down. Brian is surprised, and asks what's wrong. Mike says that Brian wouldn't understand, or care if Mike told him. Brian shrugs and walks away. Before he can get too far, though, Mike screams after him, "The convention, asshole! You were supposed to meet me!" Brian snorts, "Is that all?" The prick returns. Brian, of all people, should know how important that convention was to Mike. Brian apologizes, "I'm sorry, I got tied up. Actually, he did." Brian puts the "B" in "tired," once again. Mike doesn't give a shit, anyway. Brian's all, it's just a comic-book convention! Lighten up, man! Mike's like, yeah, "Right, that's all it was. A bunch of geeks searching around for pieces of their lost childhood. It's pathetic when you think about it. Only the reason for going wasn't to find a Green Latern from 1982, it was for us to be together. The way we were before I ran off with [The Evil One], before Justin got hurt. The Dynamic Duo, reunited once again. But I guess things don't work that way. Things go forward instead of backwards, and nothing stays the same, so don't trouble yourself. There's no reason for you to be there with me, and there's no reason for me to expect you to be." Mike leaves Brian in the middle of the dance floor.