Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Tit For Splat
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 08.29.2007
At a crowded establishment, jaunty piano music plays. Roger and Don are squeezed in at the bar; Roger is talking shop, but then gets distracted by two pretty young things making eyes at him. Talk turns to food, with Roger not-so-subtly insinuating that he'd love a home-cooked meal, so Don invites him to dinner, and Roger offers to drive: "It'll save you a train trip." It'll also probably save you the rest of your life, but as we all know, your agency's research does show that society has a death wish. Don goes to call Betty, and as he does, the girls' tracking eyes make it clear that they're interested in Don, not him. Roger looks glum. I'd suggest you hit on the more age-appropriate Betty, but that would be grossly inappropriate, don't you think?
Betty answers the phone, dressed only in undergarments. She anxiously tells Don that she hopes he's coming home, but it's good news/bad news for her, as she's not sure she has enough food. Don basically tells "Bertie" that he has no choice about Roger coming over, and gets hung up on as a result...
...and sometime later, the men are chowing down on steak (each with a glass of wine and a martini, in case you've got the staggering task of keeping track of the alcohol consumption) as Betty nibbles away on vegetables. You see, Betty, a capable housewife keeps extra steak on hand for those times when her husband's boss thoughtlessly invites himself over for dinner. Get in the game, here! Betty deflects by telling Roger that she goes vegetarian sometimes, prompting Roger to mention that Mona is always calorie-counting. Betty suggests that maybe Mona is trying to look good for him, and Roger at least has the manners not to laugh in her face. Betty tells a story about how she was pudgy as a girl but dropped a lot of weight without even meaning to, and credits swim camp for the change. Roger takes the cue and talks about night swimming, which Betty enjoys, and goes on that sometimes he even did it naked. There's definitely a lot more eye contact between Roger and Betty here than maybe you'd expect; of course, they are sitting across from each other at the table, but on repeated viewings, and given Betty's discussion with Francine later, I don't think Don is completely imagining things here. Don jokes that he used to swim in a quarry, but Roger comments that from the way he drops his Gs sometimes, he assumed that Don was raised on a farm. Don takes a long moment to try to figure out if Roger is really busting him here, and then suggests a commercial break, "brought to you by more liquor." My God, my liver just flared up in sympathy. At least, I think that's what that was.
Fade to later, as many, many cigarettes have been consumed, and Don is serving a chocolate cake that has "Mommy And Daddy" written on it in white icing. I think after this episode, the words "Fight A Lot" are going to be added to future baked goods, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Betty explains that Sally got a frosting machine, and Roger remarks that Sally writes like her father -- "simple, to the point, colloquial." Good thing he's talking about the style, because I doubt Don has used the words "Mommy" or "Daddy" in his entire life. Roger lights his and Betty's cigarettes but tells Don to get his own, citing the "three on a match" rule, and Betty, who's definitely seeming a bit lit here, asks for an explanation. Roger gives the traditional wisdom about trench warfare that everyone knows, but Don suggests that ad men came up with that story as a way to sell matches. Roger: "You tell your kids there's no Santa Claus?" Probably. Betty rubs Don's shoulder and disagrees with me, saying he'd never do that, and then asks Roger to tell another story, but a true one. Roger says that his father was in the trenches, but presumably since that was in World War I, he used a bayonet. We get some clarification that Roger was in World War II, while Don served in Korea, and Betty tells Roger Don never talks about the war. Roger chats a bit about serving in the South China Sea. "The Pacific was all about gasoline. People forget that." Yes, I personally have certainly never heard of such a thing. Roger then tells a war story that basically boils down to him taking his unit after a recon plane that, from the sound of it, was pretty defenseless; they shot the guy down, and even went to check on the wreckage afterward. Don notes that Roger got a medal in the war, but Roger says it wasn't for that. "It was for drinking." And never was a medal better earned. The salient point here is that Roger asserts that people who served in Korea, like Don, will never live up to the glory of people who served in WWII, like him.