Episode Report Card Megyn: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Once, Twice, Three Times As Shady
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 08.08.2000
Next scene. Anyone wanna guess who Glynn goes to for advice? None other than the illustrious Guv'nah Devlin, who is currently walking down the same hall that everyone seems to walk down when there's something to be discussed. Let's tune in, shall we? "This isn't such a terrible thing," the Guv'nah says confidently. He suggests they turn it around and mold it into an advantageous sorta thang. He points out that Glynn was the very one who got his brother to turn himself in. Glynn then ducks so the wrench that Guv'nuh is about to throw doesn't hit him in the face: "We need to leak your daughter's rape to the press." Screeeeeeech! Glynn stops, turns, and stoops down the necessary three feet to look the little leprechaun in the eye: "I am NOT going to exploit her rape just to get elected." After looking around for a pile of rocks or books to scramble atop in order to return the gaze, Guv'nah says with all his Lilliputian might, "People don't vote for a candidate with values and beliefs, they want a husband and father -- someone who understands pain." Glynn: No means no. Devlin disgustedly says he needs a lieutenant governor with balls, since his are currently stuffed in his shoes to add one more crucial inch, and huffs off. The gates open, and he marches right between the guard's legs and out the door.
We now see Glynn standing with his faithful wife, holding hands before the press as he issues a statement about his brother. He intones, "I'm a family man, and there is nothing harder than to see my family suffer or cause suffering....My brother's crime devastated me...[insert pregnant pause here]...my daughter's rape did too." Ka-CHING! That is the sound of selling out, ladies and gents. Glynn's wife whips her head around to stare incredulously at her husband while the flashbulbs capture this beautiful Hallmark moment. Oy.
Hill: "There's a new study out which claims some are wired to commit crime; in essence, they are predestined to rape and murder." We see a brain with what looks like a golf ball with a swastika on it. Huh? As in, "this is your brain, this is your brain with a golf ball in it"? Hmmm. I feel a Schillinger moment is upon us. I know this, you see, because everything turns sideways, like in the old Batman and Robin series when the villain would enter and everything would skew sideways to convey the chaos that those rascally villains unleash on the dark knight and his young lad in tights. Anyone? Shaw nuff, we see Schillinger in Unit B, watching a fight over a roll of toilet paper with the usual glint of fire and brimstone in his eye. A frustrated McManus calls for a lockdown, causing Schillinger to snarl, "Why can't you let us have some fun?" McManus ignores him and retreats into his dark and dinky office. The phone rings. It's Diane. "Tim?" "Yeah?" "It's Diane." Silence for a moment while he rubs the sore spot on his jaw where it hit the floor. Diane: "How are you?" She sounds like she's just calling up an old flame. No biggie. Tim: "I'm good." You see where this dialogue is going, and I'm sayin', it's a short trip, but the nutshell is she's making sure he got her letter and that he's okay. He tells her he's got to go and hangs up on her.