Episode Report Card Demian: B | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sam I Am
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on November 16, 2002
Apologies. Either the WB decided to crank up this episode at 6:58 PM Central, or my VCR exercised a little of its heretofore unknown supernatural protection mojo and lopped off the opening seconds of tonight's episode, vanquishing in the process something called The Flaming Lips as it performed at P3. Not that I'm complaining. However, in its zeal to shield me from on-the-skids alt-rock bands, my VCR also vanquished most of the short scene between Raige and her latest slampiece as well. Not that I'm complaining about this development, either. Slampiece "Trevor" looks like an O-Town reject and never appears after this short bit in the teaser, so if my VCR in its infinite wisdom decided he wasn't worthy of recapping, that's perfectly all right with me.
In any event, my tape kicks in just as Raige says, "I'm really sorry," and the spurned slampiece stalks off. Across the bar, Phoebe and Piper play armchair relationship quarterbacks, all, "Oh! Oh! Ooooooo! A strong offensive drive from Slampiece O-Town, but Raige's superior intimacy issues absolutely demolished that play well before it reached her end zone. Oh, the humanity!" Phoebe, incidentally, has slicked back the offense to God and nature she's been calling bangs, and has added to her topknot a lengthy wig piece that trails down from the crown of her head towards the Fun Bags. Despite the fact this makes her look like the lead chorine in Sweet Charity's nightclub dance number, it's the best her coif's been in a year. Though I do keep expecting her to whip her head around and lash Piper in the face with that tail of hair. The ladies return to their cocktails and thrash the half-sister's recent track record with her gentleman callers for a bit before Piper rises to leave. She and the Dolt are interviewing "magical nannies" in the morning, and Piper, ever anal, wants to give the Manor a final once-over before they begin to arrive. Phoebe protests that it's far too early to be hiring supernatural child care providers, as Piper's not even showing yet. "Except for your boobies," Phoebe amends gracelessly, dropping her gaze to her sister's supposedly inflated chest. Piper fans a demure hand over her cleavage and snorts, "They're large, and they're definitely in charge, but at least something's normal about this pregnancy." Piper collects her handbag from the bar and sails off just as Raige dejectedly slumps over to assume control of Piper's abandoned barstool. With a touch of self-deprecation, Raige jokes about boy-band rejects loved and lost before Phoebe, irritated that the topic of conversation has strayed so far from herself and her problems, leads, "At least you don't have to worry if [Slampiece O-Town's] going to attack again." Raige cocks a brow, represses the urge to twist that tail of hair around her sister's neck and yank on it until The Feeble One drops from her stool unconscious, and asks, "Is that some sort of Cole segue?" "Well, now that you mention him," Phoebe begins. Just slap her, Raige. Slap her hard. Raige ignores me, allowing Phoebe to blither endlessly about her latest set of problems with the ex-husband. Specifically, Cole hasn't contacted Phoebe in days. As idleness and Cole never made even a passing acquaintance with each other, Phoebe interprets the deafening silence emanating from the Casa as an indication that Cole's up to something evil