Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Double Date
By Wing Chun | Season 1 | Episode 10 | Aired on 04.27.1998
David Arquette needs to dial down his dosage before he starts dialing any phones. You know it and I know it.
At the No-Fault Hacienda, the Flash answers the phone, at the other end of which is a caller for the Bride of Flash. She speaks very curtly, and then tells the caller they should probably discuss this at the office. The Flash looks up suspiciously as soon as she utters the word "office," but has looked back down at his newspaper by the time she hangs up. Casually, the Flash asks if that was Calvin, and before she can answer says he wishes he'd known, because he hasn't talked to Calvin in a long time. Evasively, the Bride of Flash says it wasn't Calvin. The Flash breezily comments that the voice sounded familiar, and finally just asks who it was. The Bride of Flash makes a face like her nylons are a size too small and then does this weird bouncing walk like the Flash is a two-year-old and she's trying to sneak up on him for a game of peekaboo, and with a too-bright expression that clearly communicates that she's bracing for a fight, she says, "It was work-related. It isn't what you think it was." The Flash snaps his paper and says, "He has the nerve to call here?" The Bride of Flash says he had a simple question, but the Flash is having none of it, and blusters, "You tell Bob that the next time he calls here -- the next time he interrupts my breakfast to call my wife -- the only 'simple question' he'll need an answer for is, 'Do you have health insurance?'" Ooh, butch! The Bride of Flash, in her nine-inch skirt, tells the Flash he has no reason to be angry with Bob, which only sets him off on a rant about there being no better way to start the day than by listening to his wife's protestations of innocence on behalf of her former lover. He winds up by saying that he is angry, "It just doesn't happen to be at Bob," and stomps out in a fit of very butch pique.
With every strand of hair marcelled in place, Dawson strides purposefully down the hall at Capeside High and runs into an oddly neckless Jen "and Applesauce" Lindley, who manages to stammer, "How're you doing?" Trying his best to look busy and vital, he says he's doing great, quickly asks how she is, and tries to hurry on his way without any further intercourse. She stops him and says that sometimes, after a break-up, there's that awkward period where the conversation dwindles into small talk. Throughout all this, Dawson looks like he's just done about a pound of crystal meth, because his eyes are flicking back and forth as if independent of the rest of his face. Dawson asks what she's saying. Predictably enough, she wants to know if there's any way they can still be friends. Dawson and his lantern jaw sputter inarticulately.
In some kind of science classroom, Dawson seeks the counsel of Pacey "Marc Anthony...No, Not That One" Witter, telling him that he told Jen he had to think about it. Pacey tells Dawson that they both know Dawson doesn't want to be friends with Jen, but that she can't know that, so Dawson has to pretend that he's no longer romantically interested in her, if he wants to get Jen back. Dawson asks, "How do I do that?" Some random brunette hears her cue and materializes in front of Pacey's and Dawson's desk, saying hi to Dawson (who greets her as "Mary Beth") and remarking that they get their midterms back today. Dawson dismissively mutters, "Can't wait," and she takes off. Pacey beams at her, doing the slow "awww yeah" nod. Dawson chews his lips while Pacey continues his dissertation on Dawson's need to feign a lack of interest in Jen, and says that this is only the first of a "two-pronged attack" to getting Jen to be Dawson's girlfriend again. Dawson asks what the second prong is, but just in time class starts. The teacher hands back the tests and says that most of the students did "quite well," with the exception of Pacey, whom he names. What the hell is with the teachers in this school? If they're not screwing poor Pacey, they're screwing him over. Pacey looks dismayed. Dawson smirks, because he's a jerk.