Episode Report Card Sara M: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jesus Hates Matt
By Sara M | Season 22 | Episode 8 | Aired on 04.06.2011
That night, it rains. While Onamatopoeia's members stay warm and dry underneath the tarp, Zapato are stuck on the other side of shelter with its leaky, unfinished roof. Steve says this pretty much shows them that there is still a division in the merged tribe. Meanwhile, on the beach where it is apparently not raining, Andrea and Matt talk. Andrea wants to make sure that Matt knows that she had nothing to do with voting him out. He believes her, and says she is his closest ally in this game right now. And then he tells her that he wants to take out Onomatopoeia. Andrea seems alarmed by this, but that may just be the suspenseful chord they threw on the soundtrack during her reaction shot. Matt reveals the master plan he and Jesus have no doubt been cooking up since he arrived on Redemption Island weeks ago: Matt and Andrea will vote Steve out, then Phillip, and then, when Onomatopoeia have been lulled into a false sense of security (right after Phillip, one of their members, was voted out? Um, okay ... ), they will align with Zapato (who won't be at all angry with Matt and Andrea for voting Steve out earlier? Um, okay ... ) to blindside Rob. "This game respects big moves," Matt says. Andrea agrees, but says she will have to continue to appear tight with Rob and Grant so they won't suspect anything. She says it's very important that they don't discuss this plan with anyone else. Even though she seems to completely support Matt's plan when talking to him, she interviews that while she likes Matt, she's not sure if flipping to Zapato is the best move for her right now.
The next morning, Mike is reading over Krista's hot pink bible, much to Matt's delight. Even better, he's reading the gospel of Matthew. What a kiss-ass. Ashley is sitting at Matt's side the whole time, though, to ensure that no inter-tribal bonding happens, and all three of them talk about Bible stories and how Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights, not unlike them on this show. You know, I'm not even Christian and comparing Jesus starving in a desert for forty days and nights while Satan tempted him with all kinds of cool stuff to a bunch of wannabe actors playing Survivor offends me. Unless, of course, Jesus won a million dollars after he got out of the desert. Then the comparison is apt. Matt talks about how he felt like God wanted him to win his way off of Redemption Island and interviews that he thinks he was put on this show for "a reason." Yes, he was: he's young and attractive and some lazy casting person came across him on the beach or in a grocery store and put him on a show that he's obviously never seen before because they think we, the audience, are so stupid and easily entertained that we'd rather see bland good-looking people stumble through this game than actual skilled players who want to be here. But Matt thinks the reason he was put on this show was to honor God, which he apparently couldn't do back at home as a "pre-med student." Thus, he says, he is now "morally conflicted" about turning against his former tribe, whose members he claims to sincerely care about. Idiot, those members voted your ass out once already! Do you think Jesus let Judas betray him twice? NO. He got his revenge on Judas for flipping to Pontius Pilate's tribe by sending his ass down to the lowest circle of hell, according to Dante. But Matt isn't Jesus, so he says his heart is telling him to stick with Onomatopoeia and not screw them over after all.