Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bad Happens
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.04.2004
RevCam and the aunt are hugging as Chandler walks into the office. Aunt leaves, and Chandler smirks until RevCam tells him that she's just "a friend." Then RevCam leaves. Chandler picks up his phone and dials.
Peter and Ruthie are drinking pure white milk when the phone rings. It's Chandler, and he's inviting them both out for pizza. Ruthie begs off, claiming that she has too much homework, and hands the phone to Peter. Since we now have two people involved in a phone conversation, this means that we must endure The Cheesy Split Screen, which pushes its way into existence even though I really thought the 7th Heaven crack special effects team had eliminated this device from their roster. Chandler asks Peter out for pizza and a chat. Peter accepts after asking Chandler various stupid questions about Paris's whereabouts. They say goodbye (!) and hang up. Peter asks Ruthie why she didn't want to go out for pizza; she says she needs to talk to her mother. Also, she's probably been out for pizza with Chandler before and knows that she'll leave that dinner as hungry as the twins usually are. She goes upstairs to do some homework, leaving Peter to tell the empty kitchen that he's going to watch television in the living room.
And into the living room he goes, to join Martin and Asslee, who are doing their homework while watching the late-afternoon television fare you'd expect -- a colorized version of the Three Musketeers. That's right -- no "who my baby daddy" episode of Maury for these church-going children. RevCam comes home, looks at the crowd of non-Camdens in his living room, and smiles, because it's just great when other people's kids drive up your electricity bill.
RevCam walks into the kitchen, where he has the misfortune of meeting Annie, who uses her psychic script-reading powers to deduce that RevCam just spent the day with a pretty woman. She claims that the fact that RevCam is smiling led her to think this. Notice how RevCam never smiles when he's around his nasty old wife. RevCam tries to change the subject to the three children sitting in their living room who aren't biologically theirs. He does not mention that there's also a girl sitting upstairs doing her homework who also isn't biologically theirs, but I think that's just because he didn't have time before Annie interrupts him, pressing for more details on the pretty girl. Is she angling for a threesome or something? He says that she's "pretty, and she's tall, and she designs these over-the-knee socks that she modeled for me in my office." Then he takes a healthy swig of his bottled water like he's the man or something. Is it even worth pointing out that the Camdens shouldn't be able to afford individual bottles of water? Probably not. RevCam tells Annie why the aunt (is she going to get a name at some point? Fuck it; I'll just call her "Sally") came to see him, and Annie immediately says that Martin can stay with them until either Sally or Martin's dad -- who's in the military and stationed in Iraq, by the way -- comes back. RevCam tries to deny that the first thing on his mind was keeping his nubile young teenage lover on the West Coast, but then admits that he totally was thinking about the sleeping arrangements for Martin and how close to his bedroom they could be. "We were all thinking that," says Annie, and by "all," who does she mean exactly? Herself, RevCam, and the past-season gourds she has all over the counter? Annie remembers that she hasn't complained in the last three minutes and starts ranting about the twins, the cookie jar, and the invisible Matt.