Episode Report Card Pooh: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Limitations
By Pooh | Season 1 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.10.2000
So then we're at some trucking company, where Benson and Stabler are talking to a Male Former Detective who worked on Jennifer Neal's (a.k.a. Stepford Victim) case. MFD remembers that the guy knew everything about SV, and the detectives thought that maybe he had tapped her phone, but they never did find out how he got all the information. Stabler informs our friendly MFD about the connection to the other two rapes, and MFD wonders who caught the other cases. We learn that Female Detective's name is Ruby, and that Dan Lattimer worked on Lois Creen's case. MFD is dismayed at this bit of information, saying that Lattimer was the type that everyone thought should leave the job, but nobody wants to bad-mouth another detective. Turns out Lattimer believed most rapes were fantasies. Yeah, ranks right up there with George Clooney feeding me chocolate-covered strawberries in front of a fireplace in my very private Tuscan villa. Also, Lattimer screwed up another case, was given the option of retiring or being fired, and now runs a cop bar in Queens called The Ten Thirteen. MFD, Stabler, and Benson commiserate on the horrors they see in the SVU while I go grab a bucket because I just KNOW that this next scene is going to make me sick.
I'm back with my bucket in time to be chung-chunged over to The Ten Thirteen, where Officer Enlightenment -- I mean, Retired Detective Lattimer -- tells us that "sex-crimes cops are garbage collectors. Do your two years and get out, that's what I say." Um, aren't we told in the show's opening that the detectives in the SVU are dedicated and that the unit itself is elite? Wouldn't one request a position like that, not get assigned to it? How did this dicksmack end up there? Stabler and Benson match him smirk for smirk and pretend to sympathize with him, and when they show him a picture of Lois Creen, he remembers her as "the little Trekkie." Benson points out that Lattimer hardly made any notes in the case file, and he tells Benson that she'll eventually learn to pick her shots, that "if you go all out on every so-called rape, you'll wear yourself down." Benson and I control our gag reflexes while Lattimer goes on to inform us that the notation "ONS" in the file explains it all -- One-Night Stand. Apparently, "bookworm type" Lois wouldn't know what to do with a guy if she ever did manage to "catch" one. Right, I forgot. Reading and sexuality cancel each other out. ["Well, that explains why I haven’t gotten laid in two months." -- Sars] Like me, Benson's itching for a fight and asks what the hell that's got to do with anything. Lattimer's theory of the case is that Lois got laid and felt bad about it, so she made up the man who knew all about her life. She probably did get laid, says Lattimer whilst digging himself in deeper, by "some pimply little bookworm, but the rape? That's a stretch." Benson stares daggers into his giant forehead ridge while my boyfriend Stabler drops his act and tells Lattimer in his best nanny-nanny-foo-foo tone about the DNA match to the other two rapes and the (he hopes) arrest warrant on the genetic ID. Lattimer shrugs that he made a mistake and offers to buy his new best friends a drink. I beeyarf while Benson almost falls over trying to get away from this pig and Stabler just stares him down with those beautiful baby blues.
Chung-chung! At the Appellate Division First Department, some snooty-ass judge is telling ADA Kathleen that she has a solid case, and that DNA narrows the suspect down to one in seven billion, which is almost as good as having John Doe 121's name, address, and Social Security number, and so ADA Kathleen and I are both optimistic. But this is Law & Order, so he continues his little speech by asking ADA Kathleen why we don't file a warrant on every rapist: "Get a smear of genetic material, file a warrant, and catch the perpetrator at our leisure." ADA Kathleen points out that she is only making this application because of the unique circumstances, but the judge is not done. He thinks that if he says yes this time, why should they stop at rapists? The courts could make out warrants on every criminal from muggers to sidewalk spitters, using their DNA. Cragen, who's been sitting in the gallery with Benson, Stabler, and Lois, stands up and 'splains to His Honor about the three rapes and the statute. The court understands the danger this man represents, but that doesn't mean we circumvent the law to get him. Application denied, and Lois loses it, babbling some mantra about fear. Benson tries to comfort her while Stabler and Cragen look at the judge like they're going to beat him up for making a girl cry.