Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Prime of Miss Nat Newman
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 09.20.2010
It's called Weeds because she's in mourning, but the actual mourning is happening on another channel, somewhere far down the dial, that she can watch happen and watch the consequences and never actually feel anything, because that's not something she does. Ask a Ravenclaw if something's good or bad, and they'll ask you for hard numbers because they cannot make that call; try telling a dog about the color red and see how fast he gets bored. On the other hand, ask a Hufflepuff to think and they'll just get mad at you. You're driving east, and the destination is west. (This is also why evangelical atheists and evangelical Christians are so equally irritating, and in identical ways: They're both trying to drive east, to get somewhere north of here.)
"Your real feelings. Which you hoarded like a chipmunk, in your cheeks." Andy continues in this vein, with the chipmunk cheeks bulging, and how Audra could see the lying nuts of feelings and he could see the lying nuts and that was the wedge. Nancy points out that he was the one that actually, you know, left her, but he's not done: "Girls know these things, Nance. Because they're more in tune with the subtleties of interpersonal kissy stuff flying around. And also because, in the end, you're all petty, jealous, daddy-issue everything-ruiners. You're like the dog on the bridge that wants both bones. That's you, you want all the bones."
Dog looks down at the river, sees a dog with a bone. Opens his mouth to growl and attack, so he can have two bones, drops the first bone -- which is really the only bone -- so he ends up with no bones. But that's not Nancy, that's Andy: Nancy just wants to jump off the fucking bridge.
They yell and talk over each other -- lots of that this week -- and eventually Andy blows up the tire with the blowtorch, as Nancy has been warning him about. She growls a scary little Dammit and Andy explains the rest of the facts to us: How the VIN's going to eventually hit the right database, find them "living in Fucked City, USA," and bring everybody running. Because, see, the van was registered under Shane's name because, for reasons Andy and Nancy cutely agree she doesn't want to know, it was the only SSN Andy knew by heart. Nancy grabs the trashbags and goes whining off toward a bus stop, all "Goodbye, Seattle" and "It never even rained!" and, as a last little nihilistic joke, Andy presses the button so the back door will slide shut. Meanwhile, OnStar is like, "Mr. Botwin, our sensors indicate that you've experienced a sudden loss of tire pressure..." You think it's a tiny joke, but this episode is so awesome that it's both.