Episode Report Card Niki: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Dream Deferred
By Niki | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.25.1999
"After that, I told Judy to be the banker," B/W Lily informs us, still operating on the belief that anyone is even remotely interested in this self-indulgent little waltz down memory lane.
Back in the den of iniquity, a.k.a. the bookstore, Lily the Librarian is tugging her cardigan closed. She tells Rick it's the "most decadent thing [she's] ever done." She then wonders why shagging on the floor is supposed to be so sexy -- no doubt doing wonders for Rick's ego -- and Rick replies, "It means you couldn't wait." "Oh, I couldn't," Lily groans. So do I. Rick asks if Judy hates him, or if it's just his imagination. Lily tells him that he just walked in at a bad time, and that she and Judy were having an argument about putting in a coffee bar.
B/W Lily's still beating that horse, but at least she gets to the point: "I hate money and what it does to people. Even Monopoly money." Really? Because, personally, I find greed enchanting.
Lily tells Rick that Judy arranged for some guy to come and give them a quote on the cost of building the bar. Rick gives her some incredibly obvious advice: Have a budget in mind beforehand, and see what the guy can do with it. To Lily, of course, the advice is earth shaking. Who would have thought to have a budget in mind? Certainly not a business owner. Rick then spots a book lying on a table and, grabbing it, asks how Lily can accuse them of being decadent when they were "making love among the great titles of literature." Decadent, no. But as a customer, I'd want a discount on those books.
Close-up of A Tale of Two Cities, the aforementioned book snatched up by Rick, lying on Lily's kitchen table. "Who wants another pancake?" Lily calls from the stove. Zoe tells her that she'll have TWO, because she's "not going to worry about getting fat until next year." Lily is shocked when Zoe calmly adds that one of her friends is on a diet. "She's nine!" Lily cries in horror.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.
Lily calls out to Grace to check the washing machine again. Grace spots the book on the table while passing through the kitchen and swoops on it. She picks it up and carries it away, and then asks if it's for her. "Grace, no!" Lily cries in horror. She reaches in a futile effort to grab it, but Grace is too far and the pancakes will burn if she tries to leave the stove. It's a dilemma, people. Grace strolls to the laundry room with the book, thumbing through it and telling Lily that it's on her extra-reading list for school. A look of disgust spreads across her face. "Oh, gross!" she exclaims. "If he's going to write you things in it, you shouldn't leave it laying around." Yeah, and you shouldn't just pick up things that don't belong to you and start nosing through them. Taking the book from Grace, Lily tells her that she'll bring another copy home from the store. No wonder they don't make any money. Why can't Grace just go to the library and sign out a copy? Lily carefully puts the pornographic edition of A Tale of Two Cities on the shelf above the stove, far from prying nine-year-old fingers. Cue said nine-year-old to ask if she can read it. Sure, just as soon as you turn eighteen. Lily asks Grace whether there was a flood in the laundry room. "Small one," Grace answers, parking her ass on the counter. Lily asks her to wipe it up while she goes to answer the phone. "Is my name Cinderella?" Grace snipes, holding out her hands for emphasis. No signs of bleeding blisters or fingers worked to the bone that I can see. She hops off the counter and heads straight for Lily's purse and starts rummaging through it. Fishing out the wallet, she thumbs through the bills and plucks one out. Still on the phone, Lily turns and catches Grace and snatches the wallet. "I need twenty dollars for the field trip!" Grace the Entitled whines. Lily hands her the money and then gestures toward the laundry room. Grace thanks her mother by way of a big, huffy sigh. Brat, much? She stomps to get a dishtowel and then tells Zoe to clean up the flood. Zoe points out that her name isn't Cinderella, either. Hee. Grace doesn't find this to be a compelling argument when it's not coming from her, however, and she pushes Zoe toward the mess. Lily, meanwhile, is receiving what appears to be disturbing news. As she hangs up the phone, the girls' bitching escalates. Lily snatches the cordless phone and moves into another room to call Jake. She gets his machine and leaves a message telling him that she just got a call from the bank and the mortgage payment is fifteen days late. She wants to know what's going on. Heading back into the kitchen, Lily finds Zoe waiting there, having overheard the phone call and looking unsettled.