Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box, Part II
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.09.2002
Back at "Let's Save Our Enemies" Headquarters, Syd explodes out of the airshaft and launches herself over to the detailed hand-drawn map of the explosives' locations. Of course, we're all idiots, so the LARGE RED X'S on the map mean nothing to us, and therefore, Spy Daddy must tell us in a rather somber voice-over that Syd must follow the map to the three locations where the three explosives are set. As Syd gathers up all her tools and equipment, Obi-Wan Spy Daddy tells her that she must deactivate all three C-4 packages before the vault door opens. "Good luck," he finishes. "Use the Force, Spy Barbie. Use the Force."
At the same time that Syd Skywalker is getting her act together, WCAC is arriving at the vault and unloading her Wicked Cool Bag Of Tricks. She sets up all sorts of hella cool devices and looks all intense. She's quite pretty, actually. I mean, in a "pretty if she never swaps spit with Shovelhead again" kind of way.
We return to The House Of Hostages. Dixon informs Spy Daddy that he thinks he can somehow get to his Palm Pilot and email Langley. How you gonna do that, Dixon? With your dick? YOUR HANDS ARE TIED. Whatever. Dixon and Spy Daddy go back and forth about whether emailing Langley is such a good idea. Spy Daddy finally demands that Dixon do nothing. For those of us that didn't watch the last show, or tape the last show and then watch it, or tape the last show and watch it again just before watching this one, or read the damn recap, Dixon repeats the entire "What's Up With McKenas Cole" scenario of the previous episode, JUST IN CASE WE'RE LOST HERE.
Dixon's all gung-ho about trying to thwart Shovelhead's plans to execute them all. Spy Daddy informs Dixon that Syd's in the ducts. Dixon's all, WHAT? Only without yelling. Picking up the reins of repetition from Dixon, Spy Daddy repeats the entire "C-4 In The Sublevels And Only Syd Can Save Us" scenario of the previous episode, JUST IN CASE WE HAVE NO COGNITIVE MEMORY.
And we're back from commercial. Spy Barbie's just located the first C-4 charge. Yay for Spy Barbie! She picks it up and plops it in her bag and…yeah, I know. She so doesn't. It's all bolted behind some heavy-ass door. But Spy Barbie's a big fan of MacGyver, so she knows just what to do. She rips a fire extinguisher off the wall and gets to work…
…just as we check back in with WCAC, who's closing in on the vault code. She nails two numbers and reports it to Shovelhead. Monkeyboy's hanging with Sloane at the moment, and he answers her walkie-talkie with a snappy, "Copy that, baby." EW. I'm gonna hurl. Wait, false alarm. Shovelhead puts a hand on Sloane's shoulder and says, "You know, as bad as you feel right now, with all that pain, that is just the puddin' next to the pie." Shut up, Quentin. Go direct another poorly received film or something. Sloane, who currently has hot sauce running through his veins courtesy of the Needles o' Fire, just gives it to Shovelhead. "So easy for you to blame me, huh?" he says. "When you know the truth. You got your own men killed." He goes on to say something about how the helicopter waited for Shovelhead, and Shovelhead's all whiny about saving some guy named Whitney, and Sloane's all cool-as-a-cucumber about how saving Whitney pretty much guaranteed the deaths of Shovelhead's entire crew. "You led them to slaughter," Sloane finishes. Way to go all psychological on Shovelhead's ass, Sloaney! Uh-oh. Shovelhead's not at ALL pleased with Sloane's behavior. Looks like it's time for another "Aguja del Fuego."