Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Here We Go Again (And Again)
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.28.2001
Another aerial shot? But this is the same day. Ally is scootering herself off to work, as the voice-over wonders about being pursued, and maybe "god made another [Ally]." We see JennyAlly scootering fifteen feet behind Ally, juggling anvils and doing more subtle things like having exactly the same hairstyle as Ally. They get off the elevator, and Elaine takes their matching scooters. Fish asks Ally to help work it out between Glenn and JennyAlly. Christ. Ally-Billy, Jenny-Glenn. You know, in the New Reality, now more then ever, we should all treasure subtlety. I am not kidding. Please. This totally obvious "symbolism"? Is not pleasant. Try a little metaphor. It won't hurt. Please. This has been your public service announcement from Mighty Big TV. Thank you. Ally stalks off and bumps into Cage, who calls her "pork chop." I'm sure you saw it on all the promos for this episode. Ally takes umbrage, Cage is horrified. He meant to say "lamb chop." But you knew that.
Hey, JennyAlly's old firm, in the form of Hot Guy and Glenn, has an offer for her: $75,000, which goes right in her pocket. Sweet! The settlement offer comes not from the phone company, which she's suing, but from her old firm. They're offering the payoff to "keep their billion-dollar clients happy." Ally makes a few noises ("bribe! Payoff!") and the Hot Guy is all, are you married? Ally and JennyAlly argue, sotto voce about whether Ally thinks Hot Guy is hot. Hot. Ally thinks. Then, JennyAlly lashes out at Glenn for coming up with this idea of a payoff or bribe or settlement or whatever, for trying to look like he's rescuing her, or for actually rescuing her. It's hard to tell when everyone talks at once. Then JennyAlly says that Glenn wants her to "go down on his lance later." Ally asks whether Jenny and Glenn still have sex. Are the words "too much information" not in this woman's vocabulary? Or DEK's, for that matter? I guess the audience is just supposed to say, "Ooh, girl! No she di'in't!" and just be entertained at the absurdity. Sorry, DEK. The Ally McTwins say no deal. As do I.
At the second therapy appointment of the day, El Shrinkador asks whether Ally has any "aging issues," and says she needs to extinguish her evil urges by embracing a younger man. In other words, why don't she and Glenn just GO DO IT already.
Cage is in the bathroom, "working on a new smile." Coretta, the Other New Girl, enters with a little trepidation. Good for you, Coretta. Cage asks whether he can "ask her something as a woman." Corretta says yes, but isn't Cage a man? I laugh out loud for the first time all night. He apologizes for "dangling a modifier," and asks his question: can two ex-lovers work together and still be friends? Yes, Coretta and I say. Oh, good. And can two friends who work together become lovers? No, says Coretta. Coretta has clearly never worked in the food-service or nightclub industry, I say. But let's hear Coretta's theory, shall we? "Attraction is instant." And one doesn't "slide into a relationship." Except for the one time it happened to her. She presses herself up against Cage, cheek to cheek, and repeats what her guy said to her: "I want you, and you want me, so let's get down to business." Then she pulls away and says that was an exception. Yes, I think everyone but John Cage knows that. And are Glenn and Jenny going to work here together? Yeah, it's only the whole nucleus of the show, Coretta. Geez, you were doing so well.