Episode Report Card Demian: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT An episode that will live in infamy.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.12.2001
Cole cracks a joke to lighten the mood, which only serves to kindle the Wrath Of Phoebe. She bitches him out for his little trip to Hell. Had he remained in the Manor, she insists, he might have been able to help them when Cocky blinked in. Cole snorts at this idea, claiming that Phoebe "would have sent [him] to [his] room" at the first sign of danger. Phoebe leaps to her feet, and the two snarl at each other. Eventually, Cole attacks her for rejecting his proposal, with predictable results. As Raige and the Dolt join me in a hearty rolling of our eyes, Cole and Phoebe hiss and scratch and piss and whine and bitch and moan and blah bitch marriage-cakes. It all ends with Phoebe reaffirming her love for Cole and admitting that she doesn't "know how to be a wife." Cole, for some reason, pulls her into his arms at this and bends her backwards into a dip for a lingering kiss. They break apart long enough for Phoebe to add, "But I can't live without you in my life." Yes, she's rhyming again. The Dolt claims that "Phoebe's passion for Cole is a natural way to access inspiration." Phoebe breaks from her Cole clinch to join in with the pep-talking. "This isn't just about saving our own lives, or even [Eutwerpe's]," she exhorts. "This is about good versus evil and wrong versus right and our job as witches to fight the good fight." From her slouch, Piper mocks Phoebe for turning into a badly-dressed and trashy version of Dr. Seuss. Well, except for the "badly-dressed and trashy" part. Raige, however, rises to her feet, supposing that although summoning Cocky to the Manor didn't work, transporting themselves to his location somehow might. Phoebe encourages Raige to think along those lines, and urges Piper to whip up some more Blink Away. Piper whines that she can't remember which ingredients she used for the last batch. Um, she had a whole freaking vat of the stuff on the stove. Are you telling me she only got three teeny vials out of it? Not. Anyway, Phoebe tells Piper to get off her ass and start cooking. "Just do it," she orders. "Because I guarantee you that [Cocky's] not sitting on his butt waiting for inspiration to strike."
Indeed he isn't, as the cut to the next scene reveals. Cocky, from the center of a circle of potential recruits, addresses the group with a little pep talk of his own. He claims that by attacking the Halliwells in unison, they will succeed where others have failed. Are the recruits with him or not? One of the recruits looks like Rachel from The Real World: San Francisco, by the way. The new minions mutter affirmatively. Cocky, irked by their lack of enthusiasm, raises his fist to bedazzle each in the circle with a bolt from The Mood Ring Of My Despair. The minions get good, strong tokes off the ring and receive a final instruction from Cocky ("Don't be late") before blinking out in groups of two or three. Cocky raises his arms in triumph and blinks out himself.