Episode Report Card 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT All's Well That Ends Well
By Ragdoll | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Commercials. Now, that, my friends, is a bad day. I knew this boy in high school who was rather beautiful but incredibly daft. He used to shotgun cans of Sprite in the cafeteria. Once, he got caught for speeding and was so worried about the police finding a certain controlled substance in his car, he put it somewhere controlled substances should never, ever go. Anyway, he asked me to help him with our geography exam. So, I did. And then he slept right through the final. Had no clue, called me to make sure the exam was the next day, and then found out that he missed the test. He was devastated, and they wouldn't let him make up the exam either. It sucks when that happens.
Independence Inn. Lorelai is instructing Michel to replace some carpet perfectly. He's being very sarcastic in his French way: "Oh. zat 'perfectly.' I thought you meant zee other 'perfectly.'" As Lorelai walks away, Drella inquires about Pat Benatar, and Lorelai replies, "Great idea. Can she play the harp?" There are Sookie screams coming from the kitchen. Her quest to redeem the magic risotto continues. She found Mills's bill. Heh. He ordered the wrong wine and effectively spoiled the flavour of her risotto. Apparently, Brian, the goateed waiter, only worked one shift last week because his girlfriend kicked him out because he didn't want to have kids. The two get off-topic and start gossiping but only for a minute. Needless to say, Sookie went through all the bills, found the one where the patron ordered most of the dishes on the menu, and found out he drank the wrong wine. She and Lorelai hug. They are relieved. The Vegetable Man comes in with zucchini and Sookie dismisses them with a brush of her hand. Ah, it's so nice when things get back to normal. Michel enters the kitchen with the phone; it's a call for Lorelai. Can you guess? It's Rory's school. Correctamundo.
Rory is sitting on that bench just outside the Headmaster's office -- you know, the one where you sit when you're in trouble, or someone in your family has died. Lorelai wants to know what happened; Rory explains that she was late, a deer hit her, and that they wouldn't let her take the test. She's instructed to remain on the bench while Lorelai slams the door to the office and goes in to "fix" the situation.
Max Medina and the Headmaster (who just finished up a guest stint on The Practice where he played an overzealous judge -- you think you're escaping but they just pull you back in) are having a cup of tea. The Headmaster explains their policy. Lorelai starts to explain what happened: Rory woke up late, she broke her neck to get there, they don't live locally, etc. The Headmaster interrupts her, and is using that tone -- you know the patronizing, condescending tone that people in powerful offices sometimes adapt: "The dog ate my homework, my computer crashed, I lost my midterm." Lorelai says that she wasn't making excuses but that doesn't shut him up; he's on a roll: "My grandmother and first cousin died, my sister took my report instead of hers, my religion prohibits studying after sundown. I went blind last night but I'm fine now." Lorelai gives him the stink-eye. She says that's not Rory. He goes over the "rules are rules" speech again: when you're late you forfeit the right to take the test. He gets up from behind his desk and goes over to his office door, opening it to gesture that Lorelai should leave now. She asks Max what's he's doing. He says his hands are tied. The door is now completely open and the Headmaster is yelling from across the room: "Ms. Gilmore. We're not here to be fair, we're here to educate." Exactly, Lorelai says: "So educate my kid." "We will," Charleston continues, "when she's on time." He continues to hold the door. Lorelai continues not to leave the office. In fact, she reads him the riot act, blah de blah we've been studying for a week, blah de blah you've set impossible standards, blah de blah done as much as we could possibly do without going postal. The Headmaster interrupts by stating they should focus their attention on Rory. Which sets off Lorelai again, blah de blah snotty little school, blah de blah needs heating vents, blah de blah nurturing horrible kids, blah de blah who treat each other like mortal enemies, blah de blah make normal kids feel less than everyone else: "And you take a great kid like Rory and tear her apart." Max pipes up that he doesn't think that's entirely fair. Wrong answer: "And you. You say she's smart and she'll do fine. And this rotting, stodgy rat-hole could use somebody like her and you completely shut her out of a test that she's been cramming for, studying for, that she completely deserves to take." Then she calls the Headmaster the devil and continues to rip into the two of them until the Headmaster says: "My goodness, you do like to throw fits in your family." Lorelai's confused. He explains that Rory threw a similar if not as "manic" fit of her own this morning. Right. Rory doesn't throw fits, Lorelai explains; she's even-tempered. Well, Charleston responds, she must have been doing an impression of Lorelai. The Headmaster agrees that Chilton does set impossible standards, which does foster highly competitive children; however, "that is life and that is Chilton." That sounds terrible. In the end, he insists that Rory doesn't have to be there, that "this place" isn't for everyone, and that maybe Rory doesn't have to go to Harvard: "If she can't handle the pressure, she should leave." He dismisses her with a demeaning: "Thank you. That will be all."
The Bench. They are both seated and looking very defeated. Neither speaks until Lorelai quietly asks, "You got hit by a deer?"