Episode Report Card Cate: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Broken
By Cate | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.04.2001
Outside Mel's apartment, Dopey paces impatiently until Cheryl comes out. She tells him, "You know you're an idiot, right?" Well, the rest of us know that, but I think it's pretty obvious by now that Matt is unaware. Cheryl explains that Mel is a boxer who really does get hurt at the gym, and that "her boyfriend's never laid a hand on her." Yep, sounds like a 7th Heaven relationship, all right. Oh, she meant in a bad way. Okay. Dopey apologizes for getting Cheryl involved, but she's okay with it. She says that Dopey wasn't entirely wrong about Mel, whose mother used to get pushed around by her father. So…refresh my memory. How does that make Dopey right about Mel? Oh, that's right; it doesn't. Cheryl also thanks Dopey for making her confront her own feelings about being beaten up by her boyfriend in high school. Cheryl says she'll be talking to RevCam about finding a counselor. Hmm, maybe this episode should have been called "Patriarchal Wise Men Save Silly, Unduly Grateful Women." ["How would that distinguish it from the rest of the episodes?" -- Sars] Dopey asks about reinstating their romance, but Cheryl puts him off by saying that she's "met someone." Arrogant Dopey realizes she's lying. The tip-off is that the new guy is even "cuter" than Matt. Yoo hoo! Simon? Yeah, are you done with my barf bucket yet?
The CamRents clog up the hallway of the free clinic with their annoying presence, while Hank wastes more of his patients' time discussing his loathsome marriage with Julie in an exam room. RevCam brings up the possibility that Julie is not pregnant and is just going through menopause, except he can't quite bring himself to say the word "menopause." Come on, Eric, you can say it! The show is rated PG this week. Hank and Julie come out into the hallway to announce that they're not going to get a divorce. Hank says, "Our vows were for better or for worse." Aw! So have we all learned a Very Important Lesson about the sanctity of marriage this week? You betcha! Hmm, maybe this episode should have been called "Major Life Issues Resolved Through Trite Intervention In Under An Hour." ["See my comments above." -- Sars] Julie says she's going to stick around and distract Hank from his work until the end of his shift, and then they will both be by to pick up their daughter from the CamPound. But what if the Camdens don't want to look after the brat until then? Come to think of it, is anyone looking after her now?
Mary is waiting for Wilson at Buffalo's Exchange Street train station. At least they got the name of the station right. I'm still a little perplexed, though, as to why the two have to take a train to get to Niagara Falls. Doesn't Wilson have a car? Couldn't they just walk? It's really not that far. Finally, Wilson shows up, carrying an overnight bag. I'm a little disappointed that there are no diamonds on it. Mary is freaked that he's late, and she frantically asks if something is wrong with Billy. Wilson tells her that little Billy is not taking the news of their elopement well. Mary selfishly forgets all her concern for the kid and says brightly, "I'm sorry, but I'm sure Billy will understand." She adds that if they bring Billy, they won't have a honeymoon. Wilson insists that they have to talk; Mary says they can talk on the train. Okay, but it had better be a short chat, because it's only, like, a ten-minute ride to Niagara Falls. Wilson doesn't feel right about eloping and not informing their families. He thinks that constitutes "lying." I'm not quite sure why, but I'd rather not delve too deeply into the frightening wasteland that is Wilson's mind. Mary doesn't want to tell their families, because she thinks they won't understand. Wilson says, "So if we can't tell them, that means our relationship isn't strong enough to withstand their criticism." No, numbnuts, it just means that you'll get less of a hassle if you present the marriage to everyone as a fait accompli, okay? I'm not saying that it's a good idea for them to get married -- and if they should decide to reproduce, I'm not sure the gene pool would ever recover -- but they are both over eighteen, so it's really nobody else's business what they do. Despite Wilson's incredible idiocy, Mary still tries to get him on the train. She points out that it's about to depart, and asks, "Are we getting married or not?" He stares at her blankly, and she stares back, almost as blankly, as we fade to black.