Episode Report Card Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Death Leppard
By Aaron | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 08.18.2001
As if perhaps to taunt me, the Ironic Segue Fairy overdubs my deliberations on this matter with David saying, "What are we supposed to believe?" He’s in Father Jack’s office, and the two of them have polished off an entire bottle of Scotch. "Good for you for marrying two lesbians," toasts David, and Father Jack admits that one of them was his old high-school girlfriend. The pleasant, collegial atmosphere is quickly spoiled, however, when David spits out that he’s "so fucking tired of being ashamed" all the time, and that he wants to fight Walter to keep Father Jack at the church. Friar Prissy, however, doesn’t want to fight at all. In fact, he’s already cut a deal to stay in exchange for not performing any more gay marriages. Not only that, but David has to resign as deacon as well, or else Walter won’t okay the deal. David is shocked that Father Jack would be willing to sacrifice all that just to remain "comfortable." "But, how can you…? You’re gay," he says. "No, I’m not," replies Father Jack, in what was actually one of the few truly surprising plot twists all season. "People have always assumed that I am, but I’m not. Sorry. More Scotch?" David’s jaw is literally hanging open, and we pan over to a smirking Darth Gayder, who gives Dave yet another knowing nod.
Across town in Bel-Air, Claire and Gabe are arriving at Parker’s party. Gabe is all nervous about being there, despite the fact Claire already knows that he and Parker used to sleep together. As they wander through the house, they see a lot of spoiled-looking kids who basically ignore them. Gabe somehow forms a theory that this is actually a porn party, and that there’s a movie being filmed somewhere in the house. And actually, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t put it past Parker or her family to have had the place wired for video. When Gabe describes one particularly pretty young man as a "faggot," Claire gets all upset. "Hey, shut up. My brother’s a faggot." Heh. Gabe apologizes, and just then they round a corner to discover Parker draped over some random guy. Dangerslut makes the introductions, with the added comedic bonus that she pretends to forget Gabe’s name. Maybe I should try that.
And again we’re back at the hospital. You know, just once I’d like to recap a show that takes place entirely at a single location. I’m just saying. Anyway, the doctor has called Nate into one of those little X-ray viewing rooms, and he’s showing him a set of CAT scans. Basically, there’s a shadow or something on one of them, and the doctor wants to do more tests. "She’s going to be all right, isn’t she?" asks Nate, and the doctor is forced to tell Nate that he’s looking at his own test results, not Brenda’s. Well, duh. I could have told you that. Just look at how rectangular that brain is in all the pictures. Anyway, Nate slowly and silently wigs out as the doctor runs down a list of tests he’ll need to take.
Okay, so raise your hand if you ever pulled this same stunt when you were a kid. You know, getting a friend to call and pretend to be a parent so you could stay out all night. I used to do it all the time. By the way, hi Mom. Remember Mr. Walker? Yeah, that was actually my friend Marc. He says hi too, by the way. Anyway, Parker assures Mommie Drearest that there will be "proper adult supervision," and further informs her that "there isn’t any liquor in the house. You see, my husband and I are both alcoholics, and Parker is fresh out of rehab, so we’ll take really good care of Claire. Kisses!" Dangerslut hangs up and then cracks up, but Claire just describes that as "mean." Meanwhile, Gabe is outside by the pool, and he’s been reunited with Peanut Testicle and another guy I’ll just call The Cashew Kid. Gabe has apparently backed off his previous "porn party" theory, because he now describes the scene as a typical "Hollywood ass-waxing party. Everyone’s wearing leather…or rubber." Okay, so maybe he hasn’t backed off the porn theory. Anyway, PT mocks Gabe for being off "getting [his] toes sucked" with Claire while the boys were out pulling a "Beer Cow." "What the fuck is a Beer Cow?" asks Gabe, while declining a hit on the joint they’ve started passing. The Cashew Kid explains that they went to buy beer, but when they discovered that no one had money, they all started "mooing" really loudly. The clerk got so freaked out that they just took the beer and left. You know, as juvenile and childish as that clearly is, it does sorta sound like fun. Gabe certainly seems to think so, because he does accept the joint the next time it’s passed, and takes a couple of deep hits in quick succession.