Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 38 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Veronica Mars...
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.21.2004
We flash back in bluish streaky light to a long-haired Veronica pedemacking with Duncan, who's...not all that, really. The flashbacks are a little jarring, also, because Veronica looks much younger with the shorter hair. Then, in a different flashback: "With no warning, he ended things." We see him walk by her and totally blow her off.
Back in the present, we focus on another kid, and either the casting director, the actor, or both deserve kudos here, because I loathe this kid at first sight. I'd say I couldn't loathe him any more than I do now, but I've seen the episode, and I'd be lying. It definitely is going to help me understand the concept of infinity, though. VMVO tells us that his name is "Logan Echols," and that his dad makes $20 million a picture: "You probably own his action figure." I'm going to own his son's action figure, just as soon as I learn voodoo. Veronica gives him a look that could cut glass as she VOs that "every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He's ours." Veronica is trying to turn him into dust with her eyes so intently that she doesn't even notice that the "snich" has sat down at her table. He asks if she's okay. She snottily asks if she said he could sit there. Stung, he gets up to go, but she sort of apologizes, and he sits back down. He thanks her for what she did for him, but before we can get all mushy, a voice rings out, "My bitch!" The speaker is some guy who...well, let's just say that if Vin Diesel ever writes an autobiography, I know someone who's going to own an autographed first edition. At any price. (Incidentally, he's played by Francis Capra, who's descended in a direct line from Frank Capra. And some forum posters seem to think he's rather appealing.) Anyway, IHeartVinDiesel, who was the duct-taper, menaces the "snich" for a bit until Veronica tells him to back off. He swaggers, "The only time I care about what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog." My guess is that she'd say something about you being "2Fast." Veronica, unfazed, throws sexual comments right back at him, which amuses him, but irks one of his henchDiesels, who might be a little overprotective, if you catch my drift. Anyway, the VP breaks this little party up. Alone again with the "snich," Veronica asks him what he did to piss off IHeartVinDiesel, whose name is apparently "Weevil," by the way. And here I thought I was bringing down his street cred by calling him "IHeartVinDiesel." Anyway, the "snich" was working at the "Sac-N-Pac," when some of the Diesels came in and stuffed a bunch of forties in their jackets. The "snich," whose name we learn is "Wallace," hit the silent alarm. The sheriff, who's just about as odious as the kid from earlier, arrived and detained the bikers. He asked Wallace if they paid, and Wallace totally lied and said they did and that he pushed the alarm by accident, but the sheriff grabbed the security tape and arrested the guys who were in the store anyway. He told Wallace, "You need to go see the wizard. Ask him for some guts." Er, okay. Veronica congratulates him on already managing to piss off the motorcycle gang and the sheriff. And your application for the Pete role is hereby accepted, Wallace. Just don't expect a lot of lines that aren't lifted from Laura Linney's role in The Truman Show.