Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Illin'
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.08.2004
The opening credits still suck and everyone still looks like ass in them.
Today's Opening Credits Timewaster is Peter and Ruthie sifting through piles of books. Brenda Hampton's name pops up as the author of this episode, so I'm sure we're all in for a real treat. Ruthie and Peter start bitching about how everyone's President's Day reports are always the same, with people dressed as the presidents, and cherry pies and stovepipe hats and the like. Ruthie wants to do something different, but neither she nor Peter is capable of thinking of anything. Peter bemoans the fact that their project is due tomorrow and they still don't have an idea. He thinks it might have something to do with being paired with Ruthie. What, because they were spending all their project time making out instead of working? Doubtful. Anyway, Peter should just be glad that Ruthie hasn't taken a golf club to their assignment yet, like she did last time they had to work together. Because it's about time to move the storyline along, Peter starts wondering what they would do for their project if Washington or Lincoln were president today, what with how our media criticizes public figures for everything they do wrong, and puts a "bad spin" on everything they do right. I can see where this plot is going, so I'm just going to say it now so I don't have to repeat it several times throughout the rest of the recap: SHUT UP, BRENDA HAMPTON. Ahhh, that felt good.
Ruthie suggests writing a bunch of articles and putting them in "one of those newspapers they sell at the grocery store" for their project. They're called "tabloids," Ruthie, and don't you try to make me feel ashamed of reading them. Special shout-out to my mother, who buys a National Enquirer and a Globe every week at the grocery store, unless they have a cover story about JonBenet Ramsey or Laci Peterson. She used to buy Star, but now refuses to since the editor of US Weekly took it over and made all the pages glossy, filled it with pictures, and took out all the good stories. If my mom wanted to read People, she'd buy a goddamn People, wouldn't she? Ruthie and Peter decide to do the tabloid, then predict that they'll be getting an "A" on this assignment, maybe even an "A+." They're supposed to be excited, I guess, but the actors' joyless faces do little to convince me of this. Ruthie then wonders what they'll do if they can't find enough true bad stuff about Lincoln or Washington. Peter suggests making it up, like "the pros" do.
SamVid are packing their belongings in what appears to be a half-assed attempt to run away from home. Annie walks by and asks if they're ready to visit Grandpa yet. They claim that they can't wait. Poor kids are going to be so traumatized when they see their grandfather's corpse, now several months into the decaying process. Oh, I forgot -- this show has yet to acknowledge Graham Jarvis's death. I've been away for a month, and they still haven't written that into the show yet. Then again, this is the same show that acknowledged September 11th months after everyone else did, and with an episode that featured The Worst Actress in the History of Time as a Token Muslim, thereby probably doing a lot more damage than it did help anyone. Annie starts in with the nagging immediately, lecturing her small children for packing for their trip when it's still a few days away. Better to pack early than late, I always say (though never actually do). SamVid say they can't wait to fly in the plane and eat in cafeterias, which they love. That's right -- they love cafeterias. "I do TOO!" Annie says with the kind of emphaticism I would understand if the cafeteria was, like, located in the middle of a five-star resort in the Bahamas, but am rather confused about when it's located in an airport in Arizona.