Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Training Day
By Alex Richmond | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.16.2003
The Man takes Jake outside and asks what he sees. Jake sees a woman pushing a baby carriage, some businessmen on their lunch break, and a hot blonde jogging. The Man is not impressed. He sees three baby carriages, each big enough to hold a bomb, and six people on cell phones that could be ordering a hit right now. As a matter of fact, that's happening. Could Jake pick out the parties in action? The Man is all, "Jake, this may be your only chance at this guy. Are you ready?" Jake stammers, "Y-yes, let's do this."
Jake stands in the park, sussing out the situation. A blonde leaves her park bench in a hurry. A swarthy guy talks to another man by a fountain. Then, Jake thinks he's zeroed in on something: A hot dog vendor hands over an envelope to a big strapping poor man's Gary Busey. Jake swarms and pounces on the guy, screaming, "Federal agent!" As he leaps, he misses a skateboarder handing off an envelope to a woman walking briskly through the park. Whoops. The Man rushes over and stands over Jake, lying atop the big guy, saying, "He wasn't even one of ours!"
Poor Man's Gary Busey was just a bookie picking up payment from a client. He isn't mollified by the agent's explanation, that this was just a training exercise that went wrong. He says they'll be hearing from his lawyer. Bookies can do that? What next, hookers suing rabbit-fur-jacket manufacturers when they catch colds? The Man scolds Jake for thinking the obvious was what it seemed to be. "Would a drop look like a drop? You gotta dig deeper! Look beyond the obvious." D'oh.
In a plane high above the earth's surface, Agent Sandstorm radios in that he's coming home with the device. Copy that. He sits in the very elegant, spacious cabin (three people in three seats, bigger than an urban living room) with an empty glass. A steward walks up to take his glass, asks if he wants anything else, and then drops the tray in his lap. In one smooth movement, the steward takes the tray away and Sandstorm's gun out of his breast pocket. Blam, blam, blam; Sandstorm and the other two people in the cabin are dead. Steward walks back to his station, and returns with a knife. Then he brings the knife up, then down quickly to sever the handcuffed briefcase from Sandstorm's wrist.
In the bowels of the NSA, we have a shirtless, sweaty Jake. Ooh. Dr. Thora has him strapped to some monitors. He's a little testy, and she notes that he's "tired" and "maybe we should take a break." Jake snaps, "No, let's keep going." My mind, she is so in the gutter. Jake focuses on a CD player, and -- mee mee mee mee mee! -- it comes to life and starts blaring ersatz White Stripes. The CD player reads "Ed." Is there a band called Ed that sounds exactly like the White Stripes? Write me and let me know. Then Jake moves on to the next piece of electronic equipment, a hotel safe. I love those things. Every time I go to Las Vegas, I have to put all my shit in it; money, camera, plane tickets. Booze and other fun stuff I leave outside. I love to make up stupid codes like 6969 or 8008. Jake concentrates, the nanites in his bloodstream go all nutty (maybe they're dancing to the music?), and the safe reads O-P-E-N. Then, the computer; he tries to crack the password. Dr. Thora hovers nearby, monitoring his progress. The music blares, the screen reflects user activity, then reads "USER DISCONNECTED." Jake screams, "DAMMIT!" He looks so cute all shirtless and sweaty. Jake asks Dr. Thora to help him, and she says that "interfacing wirelessly is very taxing," and since this was the dead lab guy's project she just came in on recently, she can't help him speed the process along. But she's "the best [he's] got." Jake yells at her that he's doing badly out there, and the nanites are the only reason he's still here. Dr. Thora looks at him and says, "You know what? You're an idiot." She rips the sensors off his back, and he yips, "Ow!" Heh. He asks if they're done there. She says yeah. The Man walks in, surveys the scene, and asks if they're done. Jake and Dr. Thora both yell, "YES!" She rips off another sensor for emphasis, and Jake winces and yells ow again. The Man just looks rueful and says, "We've got something here."
Jake, now dressed, follows The Man down the hall. The Man reminds Jake that he has a lunch date with Sarah, and that he has a mission for him regarding her: she's been investigating the diversion of DOD funds to the NSA for the nanotechnology project, and Jake has to throw her off the trail. The NSA "knows about" Sarah, that she and Jake were at Georgetown together (class of '99, woooo!) and that he likes her. The Man hands over Jake's "cover." Jake is all, "You want me to lie to my friend?" Yup.