Episode Report Card Tippi Blevins: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Abandonment Issues
By Tippi Blevins | Season 10 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.12.2010
Granny escorts Tess into the orphanage. Hopefully the little singing urchins have run for their freedom. Granny beams with pride. "You know," she says, "I've always been able to tell an abandoned soul when I see one." She says it's a gift. Tess doesn't remark on how creepy that sounds and instead asks if the girls come here as babies. Granny says they come at any age. It's difficult to find them permanent homes. "Truth is, by the time I get my hands on the lost souls, they no longer have the cute baby scent that childless couples yearn for." Babies make a lot of "scents" and very few of them are "cute." I would totally rather have a kid who's already been potty-trained. Maybe the orphanage could try that as a selling point. Tess, taking notes all the while, is aghast at the thought of the kids spending their whole lives there. Granny laughs. It's not like she's punishing the girls, for heaven's sake! She's just turning them into efficient killers! Granny leads Tess down a hallway decorated with portraits of the orphanage's illustrious alumni. Oh, holy crap. One of the portraits seen in passing is of a sad-faced clown in a puffy red wig. It is horrific. "I've been training my girls for decades," Granny explains. "Not to blend into society, but to conquer it." Most of the other portraits seem to be of young businesswomen. Tess pauses when she catches sight of the armoire from her nightmare. She walks toward it, drawn like a magnet. Granny is still talking: "My girls know I'll always be there for them, and I know they'll never desert me." Tess peers around the side of the armoire and sees the marks where she clawed at the wood. Tess turns slowly to face Granny. "I do hope you enjoyed the birthday present," Granny says. She knew it would bring Tess back to her. As Granny steps to one side, Tess sees a portrait on the wall that had up till then been hidden. Her own face stares back at her.
Kent Farm. Lois is in the loft, looking through Clark's books, including the Krypto-Diary he'd given her a few weeks ago. Something whimpers behind her. She turns to find Shelby panting at her. "Don't look at me like that," Lois says. She tells the dog that she realizes now that she and Clark can't move forward until "he deals with the super-sized hole his dad left in his heart." Shelby whimpers some more. He's like, "Lady, I was yanked away from my mother when I was six weeks old and forced to live a life of crime! Do you hear me yapping on about it? No! Now feed me!" Lois goes on about her relationship with Clark while Shelby whines and licks his lips. How about a Snausage? A Milk Bone? Alas, Lois keeps reading the diary and gets an idea. She rummages through Clark's desk and comes up with a handy map of the Kawatche caves showing where the portal room is. She rummages some more and finds where Clark has hidden the key behind a bookshelf, on a ledge next to the barn wall where it could easily slip through the half-inch spaces between the boards. These people really need to learn how to hide their super-secret alien shit better. Lois stares at the octagon in wonder. "No goin' back now," she says. Shelby's like, "Bring me back a seal carcass, would ya?"