Episode Report Card Deborah: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ready Or Not
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.17.2005
Joan's walking downtown, past some street character running a three card monte game. It's God, of course. Who else? With the exception of Johnny Broadway, most of the Gods are just instantly obvious this year. As Joan passes, he invites her to play. Joan: "It's a trick." Three Card Monte God: "You think I'd deceive you, Joan? What kind of God would I be if I played tricks on my peoples?" Uh, Loki? Vishnu? Hermes? Michabo? Maui? Coyote? Mimi? Anansi Anansi? Raven? I could go on. I'm just saying. Joan comes back to his table and says he told her she can make her own decisions. Three Card Monte God: "You can. Free will is standard equipment." Joan: "Not according to my mother!" Three Card Monte God: "Well, your mom has been in the game a lot longer than you. She knows how difficult it is to play." Joan: "But it's my hand, right? I mean, I have to play it myself." He agrees there's no other way: "But you gotta keep your eyes open, so you can see all the moves." I think this guy is related to Smoove G; they've got the same patter. Joan says she can handle it. Three Card Monte God starts shuffling the cards. Joan hesitates before picking a card. Three Card Monte God is totally fine, by the way. Bring him back anytime. He's played by will.i.am, from the Black Eyed Peas. One of their songs is also in this episode. She picks the four of diamonds. He shows her the Queen of Spades in the middle, which is where her hand went first: "Also keep your eye on what's important." She sighs, irritated, and walks away.
Friedman and Luke are standing in the hallway, making sounds like they're a rap song, or something. Stevie buzzes up in an ugly plaid jacket and asks if Friedman got her message last night. Now I'm curious all of a sudden about Friedman's home life. I wonder what his parents are like. I'm fairly convinced he's an only child. I mean, after Friedman, wouldn't you have learned your lesson about having children? Friedman got the message but makes some feeble excuse about page 280. Luke helps out: "You said you were playing online chess with that guy in Tehran." I'll just bet that's doing wonders for international relations. Friedman: "I know. And then, uh, some other stuff…came up." Stevie shrugs and says she needed help with Spanish: "But I watched Telemundo." Friedman makes a little fist and says, "It's bueno." She agrees, and leaves. Friedman turns to give Luke a puzzled look, but before he can say anything, Stevie bounces back in front of him and says, "So I'll see you Sunday, I guess?" Friedman nods. She takes off, and he walks in the other direction.
Luke chases him: "Are you out of your mind?" Friedman: "What?" Luke: "This totally hot girl is doing everything but immolating herself for you!" You know, nothing against Haylie Duff, but I wish they'd stop having the characters tell us how bloody perky and totally hot she is. I find her to be neither. Luke continues, "Friedman, the odds of that happening again can only be calculated by a mainframe!" Friedman says she's not his type. Luke: "Friedman, you don't have a 'type.' You have magazines." Hee! Luke shares his theory, which is that Friedman is freaking because he's used to being the hunter and not the hunted: "You think she's either setting you up, or there's something wrong with her." Or, you know, maybe he's not totally over Judith, who hasn't been dead all that long. Anyone remember Judith? The one he memorized all of Hamlet for? The one they wedged into the show, made us care about and then killed off? And then never mentioned again? Friedman: "Thank you, Dr. Freud." Luke begs him to consider the other possible explanation for her interest. Friedman: "What?" Luke: "Dude, don't -- don't make me go there." Friedman: "What? What?" Luke: "You're in Junior Mensa. Think." Friedman thinks. He says, "I got nothin'." Luke rolls his eyes, and says, "You're a great guy. You have a lot more going on than people think. You're sensitive and caring and, some might say, appealing." He says the last part so quietly that Friedman says, "What?" Luke says loudly, "Appealing, dude! You're very appealing!" Of course, the entire hallway full of students falls silent and stares, because their homophobia is just that deep and finely tuned. And because they have nothing better to do, and that is just how things are done at Arcadia High School. So they all stand quietly and stare for about a thousand years, and Luke says, "So, dude, let's go shoot some hoops." He punches him on the shoulder. Friedman: "What?" Luke: "Hoops, dude." He punches Friedman again. Friedman punches him back and makes a "what gives?" gesture. They take off.