Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escaping from the prison of love
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.23.2006
The spell broken, Dr. Sara hustles off. As she leaves, Michael slumps on the table all, Well, that could have gone better… Perhaps he's filled with self-loathing because he's toying with a perfectly nice woman's emotions in the name of getting her keys. Or maybe he's just realized he's going to have to walk back to his cell with a tent pole in his trousers.
Speaking of people who are chary of erections in prison, it's Tweener, sidling into his cell with his back against the wall. Alas, that will probably not do him any good, as Avocado is already in the cell. He tells Tweener to address him formally, and Tweener says, "Mr. Balls Johnson." I really hope this is, like, another nickname. Because otherwise...with a name like that, you're sort of predestined to become a prison rapist. Anyway, Tweener tries to preserve the sanctity of his sphincter with a $100-per-month bribe, but Avocado demurs with, "It's nice of you to think of me like that, but you only got one thing I need." He reaches over to drop the sheet. Tweener realizes he's in for another long interval in which the sheer physics of the situation -- things like mass and force and quite possibly acceleration -- are not going to work in his favor.
The next morning, Tweener is sitting against a prison wall, obviously distraught. Michael walks over and sits next to him. As is typical for Michael, he completely misses the obvious social cues others around him are displaying -- in this case, Tweener's rocking back and forth and practically crying. So when he tells Tweener he needs him to perform another bump-and-grab, Tweener points out that the last time he pulled that little stunt, the guards found out and stuck him in a cell with Avocado. Michael finally realizes that perhaps Tweener is not excited about the resumption of a sex life inside these prison walls. Remember, he's the guy the shrink said was super-empathetic to the suffering of others. Tweener tells Michael that if he wants another bump-and-grab, he'll have to kill Avocado. Michael says, "That's not something I can do." Tweener bursts out, "Screw Honus Wagner." "Sorry -- can't help you there either," Michael replies. Oh, not really. It comes out that the reason Tweener's in here on grand larceny is that he lifted a Honus Wagner card worth $300,000. Tweener pleads that he knows nothing about baseball, so how was he to know the card was so valuable? Ignorance is no excuse, my lad. You might as well have said, "I stole my neighbor's diamond collection. How was I to know the Hope Diamond was worth anything?" Anyway, Tweener grieves over his past idiocies, and Avocado lolls about on the lawn, clearly hoping someone will call him "Splendor in the Grass." Michael eyes Avocado speculatively, so perhaps there's hope that Mr. Balls Johnson will eventually meet a sticky end. We all know Michael won't kill, but there are other members of Team Escarpara who have fewer hang-ups with it.
Meanwhile, on the outside...Linc is finally waking up, and his vision unblurs enough to discern that it's his father who rescued him from the flaming wreck.