Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT So Many Vibes
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 9 | Aired on 10.18.2010
The more he tries to nail her down, the less interested she gets; the more vague the future gets. She likes that; he's giving her the opportunity to play the vague card as much as she wants and he's feeling too desperate to stop it. "It's all totally possible. Except for the polygamy thing." Polyamory, he says, but honestly, call it what you want, it's all badly complected Star Trek geeks playing Settlers Of Cataan instead of fucking anyway.
"I'm confused about the rules here," he says, and Shane speaks through his mother's mouth: "There aren't any rules." There isn't a boss, there isn't a reason to ever do anything but jump off the highest thing. Andy points out that, no, that isn't strictly true. She sabotages his relationships, but straps on every sexy bartender they come across. She's like, "Fucking fuck anybody you want. I don't care. And by not caring, I win." He still hasn't figured that one out, because it's like those little finger-cuff things where even not trying is still trying. They have a fake fight -- leaving those little blanks you leave when you don't wanna say "fuck" in front of kids -- about "Fine!" "Yeah, fine!" But really it's just back to the same old stalemate.
Okay, but wait. What? Famke, now? "Danish lover. Yeah. Because the women in Denmark are Danish? And the men, too, and I'm gonna live in Denmark some day, as long as I'm not in some American jail for aiding and abetting." He says this with arms crossed, like only an idiot doesn't know about this Danish fantasy life of his that existed as much as three seconds ago, post-Audra and pre-tomorrow.
Boys like Andy have a million possibles and it's why we love them and why they are awful, too. He can say in all confidence that living in Denmark has been his plan "since forever," because the thought has occurred to him off and on since he was Shane's age, and now that you brought it up you can say yes. It's cute and it can make actual things happen if you push on it hard enough, but it still grosses me out because it's basically the same as that one girl in your circle who just happens to have always been in love with every single guy, in the world, which means no matter who you sleep with she'll end up crying at the end of the night and every childish thing she pulls is totally justified, because of luuuuv. I fucking hate that girl. In some ways it is totally true, which is really sad and makes everything complicated, but in other ways -- truer ways -- she's never really been in love. Not once. Which means it's in everybody's best interest, including hers, if you disregard her feelings entirely and openly until she gets the point, which is that we are not supporting characters in her movie.
Denmark is Andy's Moscow, his Shangri-La, his Pittsburgh, his Candy Mountain. As of now. He says it like it's sad she doesn't know that. "Have you never read any Russian literature, you uneducated woman? Dance major..." She shoves him and thinks about what he's saying, which is dangerous. "I figure five, ten years tops... Before I start my real life. Unless, I guess, I'm raising Stevie. Am I?"