Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blue Christmas
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 8 | Aired on 12.19.1999
Because I'm not pissed off enough, Billy goes to his Pigsty to share what happened when he asked Georgia out on a date. She said no. The group leader makes Billy say that he was "disrespectful to [his] wife." Billy says it. The group leader says that infidelity is a larger problem than the men are willing to admit. It leaves a "black hole" that can't be fixed by simply asking her out on a date. The "men" in the group both shake and nod their heads. The leader says that Billy trivialized the affair by asking Georgia out. Billy says that isn't what he meant to do. The group leader asks why Billy kissed that other woman. "Because...because I'm not good enough." "Not good enough for Georgia," the group leader says to the group. "Whatever I do, she complains," Billy elaborates. The group members are still wearing the same outfits from three episodes ago, I think. "Even when we made love, I could hear Peggy Lee singing in my head, 'Is that all there is?' She's a glass-half-empty person who makes me feel like I drain the glass. What does she expect? What can I do?" "What can you do?" the group leader asks. "I don't know! She wants me to change, change, change, and when I did [sic], she goes off and sucks face with the father of one of my old girlfriends, and when I get upset and fall off the fidelity wagon for a split second," snap of his fingers, "she walks on the marriage like I'm the bad guy. And when I go back groveling for a lousy date, she says no -- not enough grovel for her, she wants more. Well, you know what? I am not gonna give her more. I am not gonna give her the continued satisfaction of being able to reduce me to the size of a bug so that she can crush me with the heel of her shoe. I am SICK of not being good enough. I am SICK of being the poster boy for failure, which she does on purpose -- she tries to belittle me. I know what she is, I KNOW WHAT SHE IS!" "Say it, Billy. Say the word," says one of the "men." "She's a BITCH!" This starts the chanting of the word "Bitch." Billy holds up the conch and knocks the group leader out of his chair and shouts, "Sucks to your assmar, Piggy!" We hear snort noises that go along with the chanting as Judd Nelson sits in the back of the room and begins his slow, steady clapping. You can add pig noises all you want, I'm still not buying that you don't believe in this crap, David.
Pretty Assistant says that she doesn't know a lot about these men's groups, but they don't sound productive. Billy says that they are very productive, and "stuff comes out of you" that you didn't know was there. I'll let you write your own joke there. Pretty Assistant asks what kind of stuff. Billy says that he knows he doesn't want to go back to Georgia, and Pretty Assistant says that's great, because now he has everything he wants and should be perfectly happy. Billy asks for a date. Pretty Assistant says no because she works for him and she thinks he needs some time before he starts dating again. I assume that he'll say, "Okay, it's been thirty seconds, and you're fired. I'll pick you up at seven." But she leaves before he gets a chance.