Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Let's Spend The Night Together
By Niki | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.1999
Cut to David and Rick at the office, where David is, again, dispensing his invaluable lady-killa advice. "Just tell your son that it's his duty to sleep with the most attractive woman he can get and, barring that, with whoever's available." Sadly, David isn't kidding. Rick tries to nudge his partner toward actually working by asking whether they'll have to take out a loan to make payroll that month. David ignores the barb and asks that Rick not tell the kid "all the old lies." Which are? Well, that sleeping with girls is "wrong" and that "if you sleep with her you owe her something even though she'd probably already decided to have sex with you the day before anyway." Hey, David? You do owe her something. It's called respect. Don't worry, though, it doesn't cost anything and it really doesn't hurt all that much. The receptionist interrupts this disturbing glimpse into David's tiny soul by announcing that "Lindsey" is on line one for Rick. David asks snidely whether Rick's going to tell her that he's "in love with the mom." Rick points out defensively that he "just met the mom -- er -- Lily." David very graciously volunteers to go out with Lindsey and rescue Rick from the predicament he can only dream of facing someday. Rick responds with another decidedly unsubtle hint that David get back to work: "The bank just called: They're repossessing your house." David doesn't even blink as he retorts that Rick's "never going to sleep with two women at once." Like that's some kind of character flaw.
Rick's voice changes immediately as he picks up the call. Poor Lindsey doesn't suspect a thing, and she still doesn't when Rick's finished with her. With phony exuberance, Rick insists that he's got about six different things going on. Sure he does: Listening to David's crap with both ears -- that counts as two things; tuning out said crap is a third; squirming uncomfortably makes four, and turning on the charm is five. Finally, thinking of the mom while blowing off Lindsey makes six. So it's not like he's lying, or anything. Rick hangs up like the phone's on fire, and Eli saunters in and leans on his desk. "That's telling her," David snides. "Telling who?" Eli asks. Ever eager to help out, David informs the boy that his "father would like to talk to [him] about sex."
B/W Rick tells us about his first time, sort of. He says he was sixteen -- no, seventeen-and-a-half -- and that it took him a year to try again. I suspect the little heart-to-heart with Eli is going to be pretty painful.