Episode Report Card Djb: F | 26 USERS: D YOU GRADE IT Someone Left The Crack Out In The Rain
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.17.2004
And now, you'll forgive me for all lack of comprehension in this recap going forward, for it is hard to concentrate on typing what with the sounds of the moorings of Hell beginning to rip loose and team brimstone down on all God's children. David is driving the van from where I guess he's gone to pick up Mrs. Tony Alto. His cell phone rings and I guess hands-free isn't a law in California yet (probably to satiate the healthy lobby of "Hang up and drive!" bumper sticker makers who seem to reside in great numbers in the area of Los Angeles and surrounding environs), so he picks up the phone to discover Keith on the other end. Keith is on a private jet using one of those fancy phones, and yet the reception remains stellar because no one is as yet HIGH ON CRACK. David tells him how glad he is that Keith has called, worrying that he feels "awkward" about how they left things. Did they? It seemed fine. It was a very, very, very long time ago. But Keith has just called to remind David to "pay the cable bill," which is a call I'm sure could have waited until it didn't cost $15 a second from the air. David complains that he's having an awful day, and Keith tells him, "Honey, forget about it. You're just feeling needy right now." David asks when Keith has ever called him "honey," indicating that if he wants to make everyone around him think he's not talking to a guy, "Why don't you just call me 'Darlene'?" That's awesome. And a total drag queen name as well, like the most David could ever envision himself as a female would be with him wearing the same hairstyle, the button-down shirt and tie, and fishnets. Darlene Fisher: her outfit's half-ass but she's double the class! Her legs may be hairy but your loved ones she'll bury! I could go on all day. Okay. One more. It's a fake-looking rack, but you won't care when you're HIGH ON CRACK. Oh, by the way. In the time it took them to have that conversation, I'll guesstimate David drove past three hundred and forty-seven ATMs. Just saying.
Awwww, Rico can just about jump out of my television and fit into the palm of my hand, is what Rico can do! He walks into the office and finds Infinity sitting at the computer playing a rousing game of The Sims, but all she's done so far is built a plywood wall and a crying child. I wonder why she's clapping her hands together and gleefully exclaiming, "This is one baby daddy away from being better than real life!" No, that totally never happened. She gets up from the computer and gives him a big hug, draping herself all over him and telling him that someone's taking care of Nicole and that she wants to go to "Magic Mountain." As soon as he doesn't have her daughter, oddly. Unless "Magic Mountain" means something in her parlance that's totally inappropriate for children, now that I think about it. He asks her if she's stoned and she is, and he pushes her away when she tells him that she bought a new short dress for him. She tells him how much she likes him and that he makes her life better, and he starts to fold again when he tells her he can try and get off (ew, not like that) work early. But just then Nate walks into the room, apologizing languidly for interrupting. Rico all but yells, "You aren't interrupting anything!" He introduces the two of them in as awkward a fashion as possible and asks Nate if he needs anything. "I was just gonna play some Doom," he responds, as the, like, two gaming dorks I know laugh knowingly, and I feel again like I did when I came home from a year abroad in college and I thought everyone was playing this huge, campus-wide practical joke on me when they kept telling me there was this amazing computer game called Snood. Nate makes for the computer and Infinity kisses Rico on the check. After she departs, Rico tells Nate, "It's not what you think," and Nate just laughs it off with a "Rico, I don't care." Nate? The line to not care forms this way.
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