Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pursuit Of Loneliness
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.20.2000
Haven't there been more commercials than usual? I wasn't planning on buying a Volkswagen anytime soon -- especially since that Stereolab commercial -- but now that I'm seeing one spin around and hop all over the screen, I think I'm ready to cough up the cash!
In Ally's office, she and Elaine discuss Hammond. Elaine frets on her friend's behalf, saying, "This is worse than the last one -- he just turned out to be homeless." Whatever. Ally asks her if Elaine would date a bisexual guy. "Yes," purrs Elaine, rolling her hips and caressing herself. "So why are you seeing this as such a crisis?" asks Ally, except she pronounces it "crises." Elaine says she's trying to look at it through Ally's eyes. She asks when Ally's seeing him again. Ally says tonight. Elaine asked because he's there, at the door. D'oh. "Hammond! Bi!" says Ally, and then corrects herself: "Hi! Hello." Hardy har. Hammond couldn't sleep. He wants to talk. Elaine has to be shooed. Hammond says that Ally looked a little thrown. Ally jokes that she's so sick and tired of guys telling her at the end of the date that they're bi. He says she's covering. She admits she was thrown. He asks what the deal is. She says that she doesn't date so much as audition potential husbands. Pathetic, much? He very astutely asks her why she sees no potential in a bisexual man. Ally says that she associates bisexuality with a life of promiscuity. She would worry that a bisexual man would have needs she couldn't fulfill. She doesn't want to imagine her husbands checking out the "glutes" at her son's ball game. She's nervous about her kids being teased because of their father's sexual orientation. She's "worried about diseases." She supposes she's far more homophobic than she ever imagined. Whatever. Whatever, whatever. She should just say, "David E. Kelly is turned on by lesbians but not by gay men." Flee, Hammond. Escape! You deserve better, buddy. He instead asks for permission to respond to her inanities, however. He refutes each of her points. I don't have to tell you everything said, because I assume that our readers are intelligent non-homophobes who've already thought of the responses, themselves. He uses the words "bias," "ignorance," and "cowardice," but he's not angry. He's trying to be persuasive, for God knows what reason. Ally says merely that he makes a great judge and that the only relevant point is that she doesn't want to go out with him. He leaves, slamming the door. Dude...you can do much better.