Episode Report Card 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Murphy's Luck
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on March 25, 2000
Magazine photography studio. An actual band -- Four Star Mary, who fronts for "Dingos Ate My Baby" on Buffy -- is being photographed holding a big (ahem) missile prop labeled "Four Star Mary." They probably agreed to be promoted on Charmed, on the condition that they not have to play a gig at P3 After Dark. Cut to the foreground, where a Photo Editor guy is going through the portfolio of Prue "Annie Liebowitch" Halliwell. Prue is leaning forward so far while he does this that her head is practically in the guy's lap. No comment. Photo Ed says, "Nice stuff." We see this nice stuff; it's pretty much B&W images of children playing. Huh. I would have figured that Prue's work would be more in the style of Cindy Sherman or Helmut Newton and not consist of the stills from which Walter Keane painted large-eyed urchins, but whatever. Photo Ed reminds her that "most of photography's digital now" and Prue concurs. (We heard this spiel last episode, too, so I guess the show's staff is waiting for a shout-out from me for finally doing some research about something. They can keep waiting.) Then Photo Ed quizzes her on the shuttle speed and lens she used on a particular shot, just to make sure Prue didn't cheat and order her portfolio from a small ad in the back of Rolling Stone. He calls the picture in question "the kicker." The hell? Then PE concludes that her work is "impressive." Prue asks if she has the job. PE says based on her pictures, yes, but based on her résumé, no. Photo Ed: "Took a detour from shutter-bugging, didn't you?" THE KICKER? SHUTTER-BUGGING? Did I mention that this guy has a cigar clamped between his teeth and a big card labeled "Press" sticking out of the band on his fedora? Prue explains that she changed careers; she's not hiding that. She reasons that "with all due respect, if he likes [her] work, that should be enough." PE gives her an assignment: get a "shot" of Maggie Murphy, who will be featured in his magazine's "St. Paddy's Day issue." Huh? A St. Patrick's Day issue? What rag is this -- Highlights for Children? He expositions that Ms. Murphy is "the unluckiest woman in San Francisco. And she's Irish. Down the hall where they do the writing, they call that irony." (That's funny; down the hall at MBTV, the writers call that contrivance.) He hands Prue a head-shot of Ms. Murphy and adds that her address is on the back. He then expositions some more about Ms. Murphy being a selfless volunteer for several charities who's life "started to go bad three months ago." He sends Prue off by reminding her that he "wants what's in that portfolio. Artistic. Soulful. Poignant. I want the inner Maggie, and I want it by five today. Or don't bother coming back." Prue thanks this poor man's Lou Grant and leaves.
Rooftop of an apartment building. Maggie Murphy, who's played by the chick who was the slutty blonde pageant contestant in Drop Dead Gorgeous, walks out of a stairwell. We're going to call her St. Maggie. She's all teary-eyed as she walks hesitantly to the edge of the roof. A bald guy in a Prada Republic black suit orbs in behind her. He's played by the bald guy some posters on our boards called "Mr. Clean," while some noted that he played the title role in last summer's The Mummy. We'll compromise and call him Mummy Clean. St. Maggie wonders aloud what she's doing; this isn't like her. Mummy Clean assures her that it is. He gives her examples of how she's been "hurting the ones she loves." St. Maggie repeats this to herself. She's then prodded to admit that she doesn't "deserve to live." St. M stands on the very edge of the building and looks down. A woman immediately notices St. M seven stories up, and earns a SAG card by yelling, "Oh my God! She's going to jump!" Then a crowd of thirty or so people instantly gathers. (Whatever! This only happens on TV. Who looks up while they're walking along the sidewalk to scan the rooftops for potential jumpers? Where do these morbid onlookers come from? How do they find the time to linger?) Mummy Clean disappears. Just then Prue pulls up in front of the building and gets out of her convertible. (Once again, whatever! Dream parking like this just doesn't exist in San Francisco.) We get to take in her full ensemble of light blue vinyl duster, tie-dyed halter top, red leather chinos and choker made up of five entwined candy necklaces as she looks at the photo in her hand and recognizes the potential jumper seven stories up as Ms. Murphy. From street level. Whatever! Prue's head slumps forward, and Astral Prue leaps a tall building in a single bound! She appears next to St. M and tells her not to jump. Astral Prue wants St. M to take her hand and step away from the ledge. St. M wails and blathers that all she ever wanted to do is help people, and now all she does is hurt them. She suddenly falls backwards off the building. Astral Prue grabs her wrist. Cut to a bad blue-screen image of St. M hanging above the rubber-neckers on the street. Have special effects shots like this not improved since 1958's Vertigo, or did Aaron Spelling forget his checkbook in his other pair of slac