| By Montykins | pg 1 of 8 |
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So, an awards show, you say. For stuntmen. And stuntwomen. I see. And it doesn't bother you at all that stuntmen are traditionally big guys with broken noses who make their living by getting in fights all day, whereas awards shows are usually big, frothy affairs with musical numbers and gowns and pageantry? Okay. I suppose you know your business.
The first thing we see is a meteor crashing into the earth. Tragically, it does not obliterate the Santa Monica Air Center's Barker Hanger, so the first annual World Stunt Awards extravaganza is going to take place as planned, and we'll be starting the festivities with a musical number. I'd hoped that the musical numbers would have over-the-top dancing and singing, with tapdancing and everything. In sharp contrast to that would be the live stunt show like the one at the Universal Studios Tour, with cowboys shooting each other and one guy engulfed in flames running back and forth in the background. See, that would neatly combine the "award show" aspect of the evening's festivities with the "stunt" part. What we really get is Method Man and Red Man by themselves while minimalist stunt clips roll on a screen behind them.
The host is Alec Baldwin, which implies that somebody spent some money on this operation. I happen to know that "somebody" is Red Bull Energy Drink, but they've had an attack of good taste, so I won't get to make fun of the millions of product placements we'd see if, say, Blockbuster were the sponsor. Since award-show commentary traditionally obsesses on the way people dress, I will point out that Alec's not wearing a tie, and that the top two buttons on his shirt are disturbingly undone. In his opening monologue, devoted to his sucking up to the stunt performers in the audience who could beat him up, he gets to the word "Gladiator" and stops dead, waiting for the applause. There isn't enough to satisfy him, so he interrupts his own speech to start clapping; the audience takes the hint and joins in. Then he continues with his point, which is, "From Gladiator to Mission: Impossible 2, from Charlie's Angels to The Perfect Storm, tonight we honor the best of the best." There can't have been many "best," since most of the nominated scenes and performers are from those four movies.
These are the "Taurus" awards. I suppose, being a Taurus myself, I could take this as some kind of shout-out, but instead I'll just wonder whether it's possible that there's a connection to Red Bull Energy Drink. Hey. The trophy has no arms. I wonder if that's a touching tribute to the hardworking stunt people who've lost their limbs. It's got wings, and I'm sure that's got nothing to do with the Red Bull slogan. I had more material in this vein, but Red Bull has thwarted my plans.