Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sucker Punched
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.27.2011
Everyone rolls in merrily, except for... guess who! Upstairs, Sammi is giving Ronnie hell for talking to a girl. He is, as usual, baffled by her "I just ate a shit sandwich" demeanor. She tells him he never loved her and that he hates her. He agrees that, right now, he does hate her a little. Join the club, champ. Sammi threatens to leave the house, so Ronnie angrily dares her to follow through with her empty threats for once. She stomps downstairs to get them both some pizza, so Ronnie takes the opportunity to toss her shit all over the room. The Situation happens upon the rager in progress and wisely keeps to himself, even as Ronnie begins to laugh maniacally. Sammi returns with the pizza, and Ronnie finds it to be insufficient as olive branches go. In fact, he seems to take it as an insult. Apparently the only edible peace offering in his world is a protein shake. Figures. Ronnie points out the tornado of clothing he brought down, and Sammi notices the pile of her belongings on the floor for the first time. She wonders what she did, and all he can do is to keep laughing like a crazypants.
Sitch heads downstairs to update the roomies on the latest chapter of the SamRo 2.0 saga. Quoth Vinny, "If he's giggling, game over." Sitch again wonders whether it's worth it to be in a relationship where you fight all the time. Upstairs, Sammi sobs into her hands as Ronnie pounds his fist into his hand and tells her he could write a book with all the apologies she owes him. He walks out saying her tears mean dick to him. Pauly walks in and looks legitimately freaked out by how horrible these two have become. And that's saying something, not only because Pauly is the most relaxed person in the house, but also because Sammi and Ronnie are regularly on red alert for their belligerence.
Up on the roof, Sitch deploys his patented sweatpants maneuver with the trick he's brought home. She takes the bait, as does her friend. Apparently the friend is a grenade, so Vinny pulls out a vuvuzela that he's re-purposed as a Grenade Whistle. Sitch returns upstairs to tell Pauly that the grenade is riffling through his things, but he doesn't care because he's dodging her at all costs. People start clearing out, so Vinny takes the opportunity to cuddle up on his girl. Just as he goes in for the kill, her uncle shows up to rescue her from this den of iniquity. And thus we say goodbye to Gina. She was the Juliet to Vinny's Romeo, or so he would have us believe. With that, the grenade decides to depart, too. Parting is such sweet sorrow!
As Sitch gets it in, JWOWW heads to Ronnie's side to talk about his most recent fallout with Sammi. Ronnie whimpers like a bitch as JWOWW says she went through the same guilt with Tommy. She assures him that he's a good guy and deserves to be happy. He continues to be flummoxed as to why she's punishing him and what he did wrong. Oh, Ronnie, don't get me started... JWOWW reveals that she and Snooki wrote the infamous letter last year because they thought Sammi would leave and Ronnie could go back to being his old, fun self. Instead, Sammi amped up her haggery by the power of a million, contributing to the household misery we are currently experiencing. Ronnie has a good, old-fashioned cry in the confessional, then heads back outside where everyone assures him he did nothing wrong. Which is a steaming pile of crap if I've seen one, but whatevs...
Pauly tries to turn the night around by lighting the candles on Ryder's birthday cake. Sitch also tries to turn the night around by getting it in. He asks Sammi if she has any condoms he can use, so she tells him to ask Ronnie. He lets it slip that Ronnie is talking to JWOWW, which sends Sammi on the warpath. She interrogates him as to what he's talking about and whether he's friends with JWOWW. He brushes her off, making her that much angrier. She comes downstairs, vowing to leave the house if Ronnie befriends JWOWW. All the while, the gang eavesdrops as they carry the birthday cake up to Ryder, who is passed out on the roof. Sammi joins Ronnie on the porch, asks him about a million more times if he's friends with JWOWW. When she refuses to answer, she lands a right hook on his chin and storms off. Cue the happy birthday song!
As Sitch comes out and gives Ronnie a bro hug, Sammi calls her mom to be picked up. Sitch calls a family meeting and sends Vinny upstairs to retrieve Sammi. After a while, he realizes that it's like talking to a brick wall. Everyone but JWOWW heads upstairs to convince Sammi to stay. Downstairs, Ronnie tells JWOWW that he's lost all sympathy for Sammi and will make her life miserable if she doesn't leave tonight. Upstairs, Vinny takes the angle that staying will make Sammi stronger, but she won't hear it. For her part, Sammi can't believe that she's getting all this support after clocking Ronnie in the jaw. And in true asshat fashion, she says she "didn't want to hear it."