Episode Report Card Omar G: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo-Back Mountin'
By Omar G | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.03.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Clark has a bittersweet surprise birthday with his only three friends in the world (and one of them is his mom). What, The Flash couln't zip over and make it? Cyborg dude? BatChica? Aquadude? The ghost of Little Luka Lost? Clark, I'm sorry to say it so late in the game, but you suck. During the party, Clark gets sad about a card with baseball tickets that Bo left behind for him, and goes to visit Bo at the graveyard. Surprise! Bo lives, and tells his son that he has to kill Papa Luthor, and soon. Hey, that doesn't sound like very fatherly advice. Clark and Chloe investigate, finding evidence that LuthorCorp is working on some sort of government weapon that Clark mistakenly thinks might be himself. Is that like when bodybuilders try to show off their "Massive guns?" Meanwhile, Lex, suspicious of Professor SoFine's origins, figures out that he's Kryptonian. No, wait, he's built by Kryptonians. He's Made in Krypton. And he's the one posing as Bo Duke with his amazing shapeshifting powers and making everyone all sad. Lex has been developing a super-virus at SoFine's request while simultaneously and secretly mass-producing a super vaccine to protect humans from Kryptonian Kooties. SoFine doesn't like that. He injects Lex with whatever was developed and it gives Lex healing powers of some sort that I'm sure we'll see more of in the finale. Lex and Clark argue about Lana, with Lex telling Clark that he needs to shut up already because he lost Lana before Lex made his move. Papa Luthor, possessed by Jarnelle, helps Chloe and Clark delve into the whole business with SoFine and Papa gives Clark all of the Kryptonian scribblings he's been doodling lately. They fill up an entire closet, but only three words are important: "Zod is coming." Well, tell him to bring a bottle of wine or some cookies. It's only polite. Also, Lois compares Lana to a bicycle and herself to a Harley. Make of that what you will, but send me the PhotoShop of Lois with handlebars sticking out of her boobs. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Kent home at night. Everything is dark and lonely. Clark arrives home from a long day of hustling his weary body out by the train tracks, and suddenly we're in a much more forlorn show. Clark brings home a bag of groceries that he bought with dirty money and over tears as he fished for grubby quarters in the checkout line. Or perhaps I read too much into the subtext. In any case, Clark does arrive home, calling for his mom as he fondles a box of cereal (Frosted Flakes, currently named for Tony the Tiger stand-in Taylor Hicks: he's grrrrreat -- Frosty on top and extremely flaky). Noisemakers blatt at Clark, and then we hear "Happy bah-day-Claaahh!" as a light goes on and MamaKent, Lois, and Chloe greet "Claaaaah." Let's break it down. Four balloons. A "Happy Birthday Clark" banner. Three guests. One of them is Clark's mom. Is this the saddest surprise birthday party you've ever seen? Couldn't they have just taken him out for a nice dinner? Don't underscore how few friends Clark has, all right? MamaKent wishes her sweetheart a happy birthday and says, "We got you, didn't we?" You...did...[sound of quiet sobbing]. Lois goes, "Woo!," and throws glittery confetti at Clark. Are you gonna clean that up? Chloe emerges with a cake that can best be described as angular. It's Lois's "world-famous rum cake," and it slopes about 35 degrees. There are four candles on it. I was wondering about Clark's age. Now I won't wonder. Lois says that it was from scratch. Is that what she did to the poor batter? The cake is in Superman colors -- dark blue with red frosting letters that read, "Happy Birthday Clark." Clark snarks that he never would have guessed Lois made it. "You should have seen the first two," Chloe tells him.
Lois grabs Clark by the arm and tells him to open his presents before that cake. You'll live longer, Clark. Lois lays a flat present with red wrapping in front of Clark and says, "Open it." Playful music tries its hardest to make this scene less depressing. Clark opens it. It's actually a very nice leather journal with his initials, "C.K.," in gold on the front. It's made of the cows. Clark doesn't really know what to make of that. Lois says that she doesn't think he's a diary nut, but that he does seem to keep a lot to himself. She thought it might help. Chloe says that since she's on an intern budget, she figures she'll comp Clark some of the IOUs he owes her. I thought Clark already had access to the favor bank for saving her life. Wow, Chloe. Couldn't you have given him one of your gadgets from the trunk of your car or at least a big kiss on the cheek? They really must be working you to death over at The Daily Planet. MamaKent laughs. Chloe gives Clark a big goofy look. Clark resists the urge to yell, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Where's my gift?!" "Thank you," Clark says very quietly so as not to seethe. Where's MamaKent's gift? Clark sees a card on the table. He notices that it's in Bo Duke's handwriting. MamaKent says she found it in Bo's desk. He had a desk? Clark opens it. "For you, son," the very Hallmark-ish card says in the front, on dark blue stock. Sad music plays as Clark opens the card. Wow, Bo writes like a fifth-grader. Clark finds tickets inside: "Two tickets to the Wolverines game in Milwaukee." Wolverines! The seats are behind home plate. That's...good, right? I don't know from baseball. (It is baseball, right?) MamaKent, trying not to cry, says, "Your dad and his baseball." Oh, you men. She says there was no one in the world Bo'd have rather watched a game with. Derek Jeter? No? All right, party's over! Everyone is sad. Chloe shrugs her shoulders at Lois who, for once, doesn't make a stupid comment.