Episode Report Card Drunken Bee: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Alone Together
By Drunken Bee | Season 5 | Episode 8 | Aired on 06.03.2011
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Vince's ego is alienating his teammates, girlfriend, and Coach, but not the recruiter from Oklahoma Tech who invites Vince and his dad for an "unofficial visit" to campus. Where there are apparently three pools. Which, what? Anyhow, Vince and his dad play right into Oklahoma State's hands by buying wholesale the shady shit they are selling. (I don't completely understand this shadiness because I have not taken the time to research NCAA recruiting rules, I am very sorry to have let you down in this arcane way). In any case, Vince excuses his absence from practice to Coach Taylor by blaming it on his mom's drug habit which he says has returned. Oh, there is a special place in hell for kids who pretend their mom is addicted to heroin in order to placate their football coaches (granted: a very specialized hell niche, but still). Coach finds Vince's lie out and gives him and his father a stern talking to, threatening to bench Vince if they keep up these shenanigans. But this stern talking-to doesn't go far to heal Coach's own hurt as he watches his team -- left without a leader in their quarterback -- start to implode.
Becky tries her hardest to resume a regular teen relationship with Luke, but she can't quite do it on her own. For support, she calls in a crack team of awesome strippers who prep her for a beauty pageant, and meet her confession about her abortion with wise humor and much love, giving her exactly what she needs to tell Luke that she's ready to try to start over with him. And yes, this "crack team of awesome strippers" is one of the more awesome things I have seen this week.
Head T.A. Derek Bishop shows up on the Taylor's front stoop and -- please take note, any man with hang-ups about how to be a man -- Coach Taylor chases him off by wielding a pink and white piece of a tricycle at him. Which just goes to show, it's not at all about the tool but about how you use it. Ahem. Anyway, once Head T.A. Derek Bishop finally cons his way into getting a moment with Julie (by telling her mother that he just wants to convince her to go back to school), it becomes very clear that his real intention is to get her back into a weird relationship with him. Julie then declares to her parents that she's going back to school, and though they believe her, we do not and so watch with bated breath as she gets in that car that has allowed her such misguided freedom so far, and watch as she drives along, seemingly not going to school at all, and watch as she shows up on the doorstep of some man we aren't sure who it is at first until the camera swings around and we watch as, yes, it is a dream come true, we watch as MATT SARACEN looks up at her and smiles.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We open out in the back of Vince's apartment complex, where a bunch of neighbors have gathered in the shade to watch the Friday Football Roundup on TV. Ornette is bragging, everyone is drinking tea and snacking and generally in good spirits. An interview with Vince gets broadcast, and we hear him talk about "I" "I" "I"-- he stepped up as quarterback, he didn't take the summer off, Vincey Vince Vince. As his family and neighbors erupt in high fives and hugs after it's over, Jess holds back and looks subdued. Vince asks her what's up and she points out that he didn't talk about anyone but himself, no mention of the team. Vince lies that he did, but they just cut that material out. Jess calls him out on the lie, noting that the interview wasn't cut at all. Ornette jumps in and tells Vince that he's the star, after all. More high fives and Jess excuses herself.
Luke and Becky lie on his bed making out. Becky keeps interrupting, sure she hears his parents coming home. He assures her that they are gone for the entire day. Probably working on their Teen Abstinence Inspiration Boards or something equally as useful. She tries to get back into the make-out session but finally gets up, puts her boots back on to compliment her jean shorts (BEST LOOK EVER, NOT JOKING), tells him she can't do this and leaves.
The Taylors are gathered in their living room, Tami and Eric trying to put together a little plastic tricycle for Gracie. The doorbell rings and Julie gets up to get it while her parents keep bickering sweetly about trike assembly. Julie opens the door to find....Head T.A. Derek Bishop! He stammers while she tells him he has to leave. We hear Coach in the background asking who it is, as Julie really urges the doofus to leave. But as Eric approaches, Head T.A. Derek Bishop takes a different tack: "Hi Mr., I mean Coach Taylor. My name is Derek, I taught your daughter at Burleson." I mean, what is he trying to accomplish here? No time to consider that further because Coach Taylor just walks straight at the weaselly guy, shoulders square, and basically just drives him backward into his car with the force of enraged fatherhood, continually muttering in a low, frightening register, "You better get out of here right now," while Derek scrambles. Tami and Julie ask Coach to stop. Derek makes it to his car, while Coach begins wielding the piece of pink and white plastic tricycle he happens to have in his hand. Coach whacks the top of Derek's car with it a few times and then, as he peels out, smashes one of the car's taillights. And luckily we now cut to credits because I know I, for one, need a minute to cool down after getting so much uncut Hot Dad in that scene.