Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Out In The Cold
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.09.2000
Hey, if I use Finesse hair products, my husband won't be too embarrassed to buy me tampons! Oh, wait. I use Herbal Essence and my husband doesn't give a crap about what cashiers think of him. (It's not what I'd call a "totally organic experience", though.)
Elaine has borrowed Ling's shimmery top and she's asking Ally what happened after dinner. Louis walked Ally home and kissed her goodnight like a perfect gentleman, so she thinks he must be married or something else terrible. Hey! Watch that foreshadowing! You almost poked me in the eye! Here's Billy & Co. again. Ally thinks he's ridiculous.
"Life is about image," starts John's closing argument. There's a jury here, too. I no longer understand the difference between a hearing and a trial. Maybe I need to watch MORE lawyer shows. Richard cuts in on the closing. "Oh, dear God," says Judge Seymour. Richard says, "Almost every woman is bought. It's good that these kids learn that at a young age." Nelle rolls her eyes with her big old dragonfly pendant on a leather cord. Ling looks like a true madam in her red dress and pouffy red hair accessory. Richard babbles for a while about women wanting men with money, then suggests that the DA probably "married ugly" instead of waiting until he could afford a prettier model. John interrupts and sums up that we may not like kids paying for dates, but it's not illegal. The DA closes, saying that Ling was running a prostitution ring. John gets to close aGAIN. Here comes the Nelle-bait. He shoots the bull about how the kids will one day regret what they did and they'll be marked forever and blah blah blah, but that no crime has been committed. Judge Seymour looks thoughtful, as he is required by Hollywood law to do.
Ally is at some other office building in her coat and mittens which are still not cute. "Um, I'm Ally McBeal, and I'm here to see Louis Walters," she tells the woman behind the desk. The woman's sorry, but Louis no longer works there. Since when, Ally wants to know. "And you are?" asks the woman, who is trying to do actual work. "Um, Ally McBeal, I'm uh, I'm uh, a personal friend." Instead of just telling her what's up, the woman has to call some guy to do it. Ally gets all snotty. The guy comes out and Ally says her name again, in case we forget what show we're watching. The guy wants to know how well she knows Louis. Ally tells him they've been dating. I guess she doesn't mind bragging to a guy who has no business asking such a thing. Okay, here comes the bomb. "Louis has a paranoid personality disorder." Whoa! Dang! Y'all hear that? He's not just a paranoid schizophrenic...he has a PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER! Quick! Get the Prozac! Louis was fired six months ago, and last his former coworkers heard, he was living on the streets. Ally's speechless. Still the oboe gently weeps.