Episode Report Card Demian: D | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT The Hardy Boys Drink Your Milkshake! They Drink It Up!
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.11.2012
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So, Richard Roman's had his primary underling drag that sniveling teenager from last week back to The Leviathans' world headquarters in lovely downtown Mount Prospect, and after several very long minutes of intensely tedious speechifying and other foul examples of generalized wickedness, he eventually persuades the kid to translate The Metatron Stone for him. Even though Richard Roman could have just stolen the kid's brain and all of said brain's contents simply by latching onto the kid's arm and morphing into him, but why take the easy way out now? I mean, it's not like this is the second-to-last episode of the season or anything, right?
And while all that stupidity's raging half a continent away, Darling Sammy deploys his mad Googling skillz back at Dead Rufus's ridiculously scenic rustic cabin to learn what the audience figured out several episodes ago: Richard Roman now controls SucroCorp, and The Leviathans are thus poisoning the planet's food supply through the additives SucroCorp manufactures. Our Intrepid Heroes would do something about this especially ominous development right away, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that they're still missing a couple of ingredients for this year's ultimate weapon, specifically the blood of both Crowley and The Vampire King. So, the boys first summon Crowley -- who tells them to call him again next week during the finale when his presence will actually be needed -- then hit the road to track The Vampire King down to the latter's rather exquisitely-appointed lair on the outskirts of Missoula, Montana.
Needless to say, The Vampire King's none too pleased to see them thanks to all of last season's unpleasantness, but relations become a bit more amicable when Dashing El Deano saves The Vampire King from a dastardly last-minute assassination attempt initiated by Leviathan Edgar on orders from his boss. And in the end, The Vampire King willingly hands over a chalice of his own blood, so Sam and Dean need only secure Crowley's participation and the bone of a righteous man before taking out The Leviathans for good. Simple, yes?
In other news, Dead Bobby gets tired of being stuck to that damn flask all the time and possesses a hapless hotel maid to go walkabout. This is supposedly A Very Bad Thing Indeed, but we'll have to wait until next week to see how it all shakes out.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN! A very long time ago, Our Intrepid Heroes encountered The Vampire King, whom everyone then proceeded to forget about until tonight. Much, much later, The Leviathan King funded a series of archeological digs that eventually uncovered The Metatron Stone, an intricately-carved chunk of prehistoric rock that contains instructions for killing The Leviathans until every last Leviathan lies dead. Unfortunately, the only person who could read and interpret The Metatron Stone was a sniveling, snot-nosed teenage pain in the ass who promptly got both himself and his mother kidnapped by Richard Roman's right-hand henchmonster, Leviathan Edgar. Ooops! And while all that was going on, Dead Bobby inched ever closer to the madness that eventually afflicts all earthbound spirits on this show, though just between you and me, I'm pretty sure he'll end up being just fine. Are we done here? Wonderful.
Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! The slowly advancing NOW! slowly fades away to let us linger in the blackness for a moment until the camera opens up on the smiling face of one "Gloria Jane," a business reporter for the nonexistent television station KZPZ, the latter of which is apparently located in Seattle, if the view from the balcony behind Ms. Jane's carefully-coiffed head is to be believed. Ms. Jane is interviewing the eminent Richard Roman regarding the latter's recent purchase of SucroCorp, the subject of that fake branding ad we all saw a few weeks ago in the middle of that horrible episode with the annoying guest star. No, the other horrible episode with the annoying guest star. Yeah, that one.
In any event, after Ms. Jane confirms that SucroCorp is "among the world's leading manufacturers of high-fructose corn syrup," the two get to chatting, and for whatever ridiculous reason, the camera decides to cut away from their talking heads to take in a brief montage of those watching this inane corporate puff piece masquerading as news, including a pasty-skinned fat sack of crap who's shoveling potato chips into his slackjawed maw while sporting little more than a pair of dirty heart-patterned boxer shorts, a dim-looking convenience store clerk with a fondness for prepackaged powdered doughnuts, and a bunch of Middle Eastern gentlemen clustered around a rickety old television set in, like, Cairo or Amman or wherever, because Richard Roman is just that fascinating! Seriously, guys! Can't you see them just hanging on his every word all the way over there in Riyadh? In the middle of the night, even!