Episode Report Card Demian: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Passion Of The Chris, Part II
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.15.2004
Dammit! The Psycho orbs into another chamber of Hell, where he vanquishes a couple of fanged, black-eyed demonic types who'd been lunching on a carcass. Then he orbs out. The Psycho exhibited zero emotion throughout. Yeah, Chris is dying in vain. Speaking of Chris: Get back to him!
Dammit! I forgot about this. Barbas blazes in just as the Psycho orbs out, overacts for about three thousand years over a pile of demonic ash, and sneers something I'll not be transcribing. Get back to Chris!
Thank you! Raige stands alone in the Manor's upper hall, bellowing for the Dolt. The Dolt orbs in, takes one look at the tortured expression on her face, and demands, "What's wrong?" The Bridal Boudoir's door opens to emit a couple of SWAT cops, followed by Helium Doormat and Inspector Pink, who express their condolences. Oh, go away, you tedious people! The Dolt barrels past them into the room, where he finds my dying husband looking very pale indeed. The Dolt kneels at Chris's side as Raige steps hesitantly into the doorway to witness what follows. The Dolt whispers urgently for Chris to hold on, but it's no use, and I can't take this. Fuck you, Kern. Fuck! You! "Don't give up," the Dolt breathes as Raige begins weeping. Chris, weakening fast, struggles to maintain his father's gaze and murmurs, "You be there, okay?" and wow, but that's got to be an around-the-world guilt trip for the stupid, neglectful Dolt. I don't know whether to giggle or cry. Way to go, Chris. Way to quite literally go. Chris's eyelids flutter shut as his head slowly drops to one side. Raige gasps and sobs. The Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Anguish And Torment threatens to make another appearance, but the Dolt instead buries his face in Chris's chest. And then Chris just fades away. The camera swings overhead as the Dolt collapses into the bed as his son disappears, and he spreads his arms out, reaching for what is no longer there. Fucking hell. This show hasn't made me misty-eyed in over three goddamned years, and never once did that involve the goddamned Dolt. Raige silently chokes on her tears as her wrecked ex-brother-in-law vanishes into the final commercial break.
Please give me something to mock.
Thank you! Thank you for this shitty effects sequence featuring the stupid, neglectful Dolt as he goes both Hulk and Magneto on the blameless antiques in the attic! And why the fuck is he up in the attic, anyway? Oh! My son just died in my arms! I think I'll head upstairs to blow up the furniture! Asshole. Raige races out of her hiding place, manages to calm him down, and pep-talks him into taking it out on the Elder responsible. Raige realizes that the next time Barbas and Snidely contact each other, the Dolt will be able to "intercept" it. Whatever. They killed my husband. I don't care anymore.