Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blowin' In The Wind
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.13.2002
Richard has the partners assembled: he wants them to paint Ally's house for her, so that when the appliances arrive tomorrow, they can be installed. Nelle asks why the firm continues to support Ally's insane ways. Corretta coughs, "Bitch!" Richard says they can't hire professionals because Ally wants her house to be "a labor of love." Nelle says she may vomit up her intestines. Corretta coughs, "Witch!" Richard will be shopping for a coat rack, since "home is a coat rack." They all roll their eyes at him. Yeah.
Jon Bon Jovi knocks and enters Ally's office. He waves his fists like a bad dancer, offering good news and bad news. Ally picks bad news first, what a shock. The plumbing shot, but the good news is, he "isn't speaking as [her] gynecologist." She'll need to replace all the pipes, but it still passes inspection. So, she needs to hire him. And is he married? She means "bonded"? Yeah, yeah he is. So, there you have it: he'll be in her house each week, until he goes into rehab or disappears, either one.
Glenn is forbidding Jenny to see the chair again. Because he's afraid she's become a "chair slut." She'll see "what furniture [she] wants, when [she] wants." He leaves, angry. She calls him a "dolt."
Ally is arguing that French Stewart has a problem, yes, but is he a criminal? The jury yells, NO! Ally goes, aha! The judge (Albert Hall, a fine, fine actor) asks that the jury not speak back to the lawyer addressing them. Hee. French got addicted to "short-term happiness -- her happiness -- and lost his way. The only reason we're here is because the gifts stopped coming." The wife's lawyer says that French violated the law, falsified documents, and only has one facial expression. Ally sighs. French squints.
The lawyers are painting Ally's house. Glenn and Jenny argue over whether you can cheat with furniture. Is a vibrator cheating? This is the argument I have to offer. It's an inanimate object. Someone yells, "Let's just paint!" Fine with me. It's fifty-four minutes in. You can paint for the remaining minutes of the episode. I'll watch paint dry for the remaining minutes. Please, just get on with it. They squabble, and Richard walks in, hollering for them to settle down. It's very Brady Bunch, but not charming. Glenn is threatened by the chair; the ladies love the chair. Richard says that if God wanted women to enjoy sex, He would have given them penises. Nelle's says that the men are threatened by the fact that Ally bought a house on her own, and that the chair is better than the men are. Richard says that since "Ally thinks metaphorically the house is her, let's slap some paint on." They grumble, and the scene ends. What, no paint fight?