Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hi, Billy...
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.09.2006
In the corridor outside the lounge, three beefy Marines approach in Hawaiian shirts. Starbuck meets them, looking amazingly gorgeous. Even for her, she looks good. She's wearing a cute black band-collar shirt with kind of puffy sleeves, and her hair is down and kind of flippy, like a shorter version of Buffy's awesome haircut the week she became invisible. She greets Gunnery Sergeant Burrel in a wonderfully hard-boiled manner: "Good to see ya, Gunny. I'm gonna need some of those gorillas you call Marines." He replies that most of his "gorillas" were already on Cloud 9, "just trying to cop a little R&R." She's like, "Word," then gives them the sitrep: unknown number of shooters, at least twenty hostages, and a ninety-minute window before the threatened violence starts up. Burrel, mostly trusting Starbuck but also thinking she's nuts: "You got a plan, sir?" And yes: "Lock and load. Let's figure out the rest as we go along." So anybody else, not a plan. But it's Starbuck, and not even Gunny's going to be like, "That is not a plan, that is a chaotic incident resulting in massive casualties," because that's the best she can do.
Inside, Dualla watches Sesha and her boys skitter around all crazy. Apollo walks Page out of the loo at gunpoint. Prodded, Thug Page delivers a short speech: "He says he's Captain Adama, from the Galactica. He just wants to talk." I don't know why it was necessary for them to practice that in the bathroom first. Sesha intuits that Lee and Dualla are "together," so maybe she's one of those crazy people who's also psychic, because none of us knew that, and there's a bit of a standoff where Lee has to say the following: "Hey, she dies, he dies, you get it?" Sesha says the damnable line, "Difference is, you won't do it. He will." I CALL SO MUCH BULLSHIT. I realize that we'd all like to ignore "Black Market," but like...unintended (yet practically verbatim!) callbacks are for the birds. There's a tense 24-style thing where everybody stares intensely at everybody else with guns forever. Lee randomly gives in, because I guess the difference is that he won't shoot a man in cold blood, and opens himself up very helpfully to Page elbowing him in the gut, disabling him instantly. If only Apollo were trained in hand-to-hand combat! Oh, there could be a sexy scene where he spars with Dualla and then they get sexy. That would be cool, for example. Sesha approaches, pissed and scary and deeply fractured. "We all have someone we care about," she turns to the goons, "...It's his son. He's not gonna choose the Cylon over his son." She hasn't gotten the memo about Boomer "getting under" Adama's skin either, I take it. Vinson shoves Lee over with Billy and Dee, which is kind of awkward anyway, plus they are hostages. The CO2 alarm now goes off, and a thug ascertains that "they're trying to suffocate us!" Sesha, immensely disheveled, asks if it's a trap, and Lee finally exhibits his dad's amazing lying power: "There's a reason you don't just start shooting on a spaceship. You probably nicked a line. Why don't you let me talk to the Admiral, see if we can't find a way out of this?" Sesha's wary, but I'm squealing about how he just mentioned that they're all totally on a spaceship.
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