Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Few, The Proud, The Fake
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2007
Trying so very hard to be butch, Eric leads some outriders into town, bellowing, "Clear the streets! We need to clear the streets!" Do you think anyone ever listens to Eric? I'd be like, "Who's making all that noise? Oh, it's that other Green kid. The one who led Ravenwood to us."
Jake hobbles to his stained-glass window and bugs his eyes some more as he takes in the view. Not sure what can be seen from the Green house, but it's Jake, so he can see all.
We get a street shot from behind an old pickup truck. The light is pale blue, and the snow is stark and white, and suddenly, a long protuberance forces its way into view. It's the gun of a steadily moving tank. I know this first look was supposed to be all heraldic and comforting -- that is, if you didn't see the previews -- but it's really quite ominous. It's not exactly "I remember every detail -- the Germans wore grey, you wore blue," but it's also not Hershey bars and hot GIs. Marines march authoritatively next to the tank. The townspeople gather. The tank halts at City Hall. After a Marine bellows, "Who's in charge here?," Gray stutteringly pushes his way to the front of the crowd assembled at City Hall; his baldhead was cowering in the back. He introduces himself as the mayor. The Marine in Charge rattles off a string of official-sounding identifiers, and when Gray and the rest of the audience is all, "Uh, so that makes you...?," the camera closes in on the face of the Marine in Charge, who announces, "We're the United States Marines, and we're here to help!" It's so convincing that I almost got recruited right off my couch.
Tonight's Morse code message is, "If you teach a teen to shoot a gun in the sixth episode, she will go off by the fifteenth."
The good folks of Jericho gather 'round, whispering, "Marines! Marines? Marines!" MIC announces that they've set up a base in Kansas to ready the entire state for the Army Corps of Engineers: "Now that we've won the war, it's time to start rebuilding." They could use some of that thinking in Iraq. The good folks of Jericho whisper, "War! War? War!" After understanding that Jericho has been in the dark -- literally and intellectually -- for a good long time, MIC proudly bellows, "We nuked the hell out of North Korea and Iran!" The good folks of Jericho whisper, "Rutabaga! Rutabaga? Rutabaga!" "So they were behind it?" Gray wonders loudly. No, we just nuke the hell out of countries for no reason, Gray. Oh, wait. MIC says that, from what he's heard, Iran financed it and North Korea supplied the bombs, and now "we've" got troops "all over" looking for the terrorists who snuck in the bombs. See, this is what happens when you're so worried about five ounces of toothpaste: you miss the huge barrels of bombs. Eric wonders what happens next. "Largest reconstruction effort in the history of the country," MIC explains. I don't know, Boston's Big Dig was pretty major. Gray -- needing to know how big a butt he will be kissing -- asks who's in charge. It's the former Health and Human Services Secretary, and he's set up the new Federal Government in Columbus, OH. "How did they decide on COLUMBUS?!" Gray demands, like he's all aghast that Jericho wasn't considered. MIC doesn't know or care, because his orders are to restore LIGHTS! And POWER! And INFRASTRUCTURE to Kansas, ONE TOWN AT A TIME! Dancing in the streets. Cheering. Gray, being a bit of a downer, asks for a solid timeframe. "Should have your shelves full of Oreos and Hot Pockets by the end of the year," smiles MIC. That's nice; tempt them with stuff they still can't eat. Some of them are like, "Man, and I had just managed to stop craving Double-Stuffs. Thanks, Marines." Gray finally cheers. "Welcome back to the grid, Jericho!" bellows MIC. "Thank god for the U.S. Marines!" says Gray, grabbing MIC's hand. "Ooh-rah," responds MIC. That will be important later. In the midst of all this happiness, Eric tilts back his head and puts on one happy orgasm face that makes me very uncomfortable. How does Mary bear it? People jump and cheer and hug. Bonnie and that punk Sean she picked up several episodes ago pull an Eisenstadt moment. Stanley glares like a farmer brother until Mimi forces him to kiss her and be happy. Even Jake looks happy as his white teeth split through his battered face, and he tells Stanley to get a room. In response, Stanley grips Jake into a threesome.