Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 14 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Go Home, You're Not An Improvement
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.11.2005
Veronica's interviewing VP Clemmons in his office. People on the boards have wondered, as have I, if Clemmons is the Vice Principal, where the principal is. Maybe the "Vice" is just an affectation he's added, like he's hoping to be promoted to "Homicide Principal" or something. That sounds like a pretty cool job. Anyway, Clemmons tells Veronica that the drills are in line with "district-wide policy for mid-semester fire drills." Is he suggesting that they have a different policy for other parts of the semester? Oh, bureaucracy. You are a tiresome mistress. Veronica doesn't believe Clemmons, but he doesn't budge, and says he has some paperwork to catch up on. Said paperwork entails outlining the school's late-April policy on hall passes, I'd imagine.
Veronica goes to give Joey an update. Joey directs her to the assistant superintendent of the district, and gives Veronica her number. Veronica calls the woman, who sounds like she's keeping the "unfiltered" division of Lucky Strike in business, and asks for their fire drill policy. It's one a semester. Actually, the woman sounds exactly like Harvey Fierstein. Even bureaucrats just want to be loved -- is that so wrong? Oh, and VP Clemmons? Liyah, liyah, pants on fiyah.
In the hallway, Veronica runs into Corny, the stoner dork who made her the bong in the pilot. Corny tells her he came to get something out of his locker, but he doesn't remember what. Um, hee. Corny also invites Veronica to go to White Castle, and considering I've referenced Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle not once, not twice, but three times in my recaps, I am forced to take that as a shout-out. I know you guys like me and all, but this is getting a little embarrassing. So let me just update my squee journal, and I'll get back to work. Veronica says there's no White Castle in Neptune, but Corny says it's an expression. The kids see a member of the sheriff's department enter the school with a German shepherd, and Corny stuffs some pot down his pants and starts to head the other way. Might want to make sure the Baggie isn't sticking out of your pants there, kid. I know you're a horny teen, but that's really not the kind of action you want. Corny sees two more cop/dog duos coming toward him from the other direction. It's a good thing that pot is in a liquid-proof bag, or it would have a distinctive taste I'm not too sure would be the most appetizing. The cops and dogs blow right by Corny, who bails. This gets Veronica thinking, though, and she takes out her camera and snaps some pictures.
Clemmons gets a call from the chairwoman emeritus of Lucky Strike, saying she got a call from a "pushy student" with a "fresh attitude." Clemmons is all too aware of whom she means. Asked about the fire drills, Clemmons confesses that there has been a series of bomb threats at Neptune. Cut to the caller, whose hair is blonde and whose attitude is fresh. She thanks Clemmons, and asks him to let her know "if there's anything we can do." Yes, I'm sure the people who have a three-tiered policy on yearly fire drills will be the first ones he calls for some decisive action. Veronica, discomfited, stares us into a commercial break.