Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT For a small person, she was very annoying
By Miss Alli | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.20.2004
Back with Mosaic, Wes sends Andy off to promote, and Kelly and Sandy to actually wash dogs. Stacy explains to us that they're calling this an "extreme doggie makeover," and you can see on their sign that this involves a bath and a before and after picture. Oh, please. That's a makeover? That's getting hosed off, man. That's not going to fool any self-respecting person. That's not going to fool any self-respecting dog. Kelly explains that the team didn't get underway until about 12:30 or 1:00, so he thinks they missed a good part of the morning business that they should have hit, when people were walking their dogs over lunch. We also learn from Andy that the idea of the before and after pictures was Andy's, as he reasoned that you can charge people $5.00 or $10.00 for a picture of their dog. Dude, have you ever heard of a digital camera? People don't need to pay for instant pictures of the dog. In fact, when you want to make sure your digital camera is working, you know what's usually the only remotely photogenic subject around? The dog. Nobody needs dog Polaroids.
And now, it is time for Stacy's brilliant idea. She comes up with taking pictures of dogs in theme costumes. So now we know that not only can she not read a room, she can't read a room full of dogs. Because the best thing dogs can say about the first person to suggest putting clothes on them is that they will try to eat you quickly, with as little suffering as possible. Furthermore, dog outfits are not one-size-fits-all, really. It's like starting a Glamour Shots franchise. You have to have the mink stole in several sizes. Well, that might be a poor example. Stacy insists to Wes that they could do, like, "Bad-Ass Dog" and "Girly Dog." Sheesh, she really isn't a dog person. You can't just do that. I mean, my parents' dog, in spite of weighing about 80 pounds, wouldn't be a Bad-Ass Dog if he were wearing a gun in a holster. And really, I wouldn't love the idea of making fun of him as a Girly Dog, because he has enough issues as it is. Where is the appeal of this? As she and Wes go to look at possible outfits, he tells her that they can't spend a lot of money on complicated outfits, and she says that maybe pet clothing is cheap. He promises her it isn't. That is so true. Anything that screams "I have nothing better to do with my money" to the extent that dog clothing does is not going to be priced for the bargain shopper. And this whole thing is stupid, because if she were serious and inventive, she'd come up with ways to costume dogs that don't involve buying ill-fitting doggie outfits. For instance, you can dress up a dog like a cowboy with a bandana and a hat, and either of those might be available without shopping for dog clothes. I refuse to come up with additional dress-up concepts, but you get the idea. Anyway, they find out to no one's surprise that dog outfits cost 30 bucks, so that idea sucks for exactly the reasons Wes said it would. Wes complains in an interview that Stacy's taste for arguing is "not conducive to being part of a good team." She keeps hammering and hammering this costume idea until he finally gets firmer and tells her that they're really not going to be able to do it. And think about it -- if you were for some reason, going to pay for pictures of your dog in some twee little getup, which I am definitely not condoning, you certainly would get a souvenir better than a damn Polaroid, of all things. If I put my dog in a genie outfit made of filmy lilac veils, I'm going to get a picture suitable for framing. He protects the house from burglars; I owe him that much. ["The specificity of that example suggests to me that you didn't just pull it out of thin air, if you know what I mean. I don't judge you. I'm just saying." -- Sars put a Santa hat on her cat once…ONCE]