Episode Report Card Sars: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Lady Stays Vanished
By Sars | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 05.10.2003
It's a busy day at Fisher & Diaz & Bears (Oh My). Claire slumps downstairs in a black frock that looks just like one I have from Old Navy, and David posts her at the door of Mrs. Su's service to hand out programs. His instructions on smiling: "Not too much. Compassionate, but not happy." Claire doesn't think that'll be a problem, and as they stand at opposite sides of the doorway, he asks what's up with her. She bites his head off. He shrugs. Finally, she sneers, "My boyfriend had sex with another guy and we broke up, okay, are you happy?" David isn't, particularly, and says he's "so sorry," but not before kind of failing to suppress a "girl, I told you so" eyebrow. Claire's not done, though, meanly asking, "What is it with you people? You can't figure out what you are on your own, so you've gotta string along girls like me to, what, ease the transition?" Damn, that's cold. David looks both nonplussed and hurt by her outburst (probably because he's mentioned doing, basically, exactly that in the past), and after a funeral-goer interrupts them briefly, he says it's probably best that she found out about Russell now "before it went any further." Claire snorts that, yeah, the timing is really perfect, but when David asks what she means, she covers by referring to "what's going on with Lisa" and the way that celebrities always die in threes. Hee. David eyebrows, "You don't think Lisa might've…" "What, offed herself?" Claire blunts. "No way." David says he picked up on the tension between Lisa and Nate, and adds that "she always had that, you know, weird look in her eye, like it really wouldn't take that much to send her over the edge." Oh, we know, David. Weeee know. Claire repeats that there's no way Lisa would do that, "not with the baby," and then abruptly shuts up. David nods, checks his watch, and goes to check in on the Tully service across the hall. Rico expositions that they have to boot the Sus out of the Pastoral Room in half an hour so that the Monroes can use it. Arthur's all worried that they won't make it, but Rico and David say they will; they have no choice.
Just then, James Cromwell turns up for Mrs. Su's service, and blah blah won't get a ticket blah blah he will get a ticket and blah blah Arthur learns a very valuable lesson about cutting corners.
A seaside park. In the front seat, of the Veganmobile, Nate is arguing with a uniformed trooper, saying that it's Lisa's car, but she didn't "just leave it here and disappear off the face of the fuckin' earth" -- her cell phone and wallet are in the glove compartment, and her overnight bag is in the back seat, but her backpack is gone. Nate then points to the soda in the drink hutch and says that Lisa doesn't drink Dr Pepper: "She thinks it's toxic." When I first saw the episode, I didn't get the backpack part and went with Nate's theory that Lisa met with foul play; now I think that Lisa filled the backpack with rocks and walked into the water Edna-Pontellier-style, but I don't get the Dr Pepper part. The trooper patiently explains that the Dr Pepper and the missing backpack don't count as evidence of anything, and without evidence, the police "can't treat this as anything more than what it appears to be -- a missing-persons case." That doesn't sound right to me -- I think a missing-persons report filed prior to the discovery of an abandoned car should set off at least a few alarm bells with law enforcement -- but this isn't CSI so I'll get over it. The trooper goes on to say that he won't tell Nate there's nothing to worry about here, because "quite possibly there is." "Yeah, my wife is fucking missing!" Nate yells. The trooper understands that, but there's really nothing he can do; he advises Nate to "stick around the area" to see if Lisa comes back for the car, and also to move the car by tomorrow so it doesn't get towed. So they won't process it for evidence of possible wrongdoing, but they'll tow it? Jeez.
Chez-nowith. Zhora is drunkenly crooning "Killing Me Softly" on the balcony. Brenda is reading the paper, and wonders aloud how much longer Zhora is going to go on like that. Why don't you just leave, Brenda? The ashes got dumped; I think you can go home if you want. Billy makes a joke about Zhora throwing herself over the railing the way she did Pa, and Brenda doesn't laugh, but she does hear me, getting up and telling Billy to tell Zhora that she couldn't take it anymore. Billy says they need to talk. Brenda, almost out the door, doesn't think so: "What is there to say, Billy?" You just had to ask, didn't you? "I'm in love with you," Billy chokes out, his eyes filling with tears. Yeah, thanks for the update. Brenda recoils in horror, but Billy says that he needs to say it. "I know I can't have you. I know…it's wrong to want you like this, but it doesn't make it any less true." Yikes. Okay, the thing is, it's gross and ooky and everything, but in Billy's defense, I don't think he's trying to manipulate her here. I think he's just fucked up. And that concludes the "Uh Duh, Sars" portion of the recap. Anyway, Brenda clutches her head and asks tearfully what she's supposed to do with that. Nothing, he tells her, standing up: "I have to…let it go. And, and, and maybe saying the words will help." Brenda stares at him with a mixture of dread and pity. He adds in a whisper, "I want to let it go. You have to believe that." Brenda looks away and makes a sort of "okay then" gesture with her shoulders, then turns and walks out. Billy exhales miserably as his mother starts singing again.