Episode Report Card Mindy Monez: C | 25 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Go Ask Alice
By Mindy Monez | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.21.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.This week we learned all about the events that drove Alice's father to throw her in the nuthouse as a young woman. A year ago, Alice arrived home from Wonderland after a very long absence to find that her father had remarried a real bitch of a stepmother and had another daughter. Alice turned to her family for comfort in her grief over Cyrus's "death" and -- Victorian sensitivities toward mental illness being what they were -- they basically told her knock the crazy off and marry a one doofy young Mr. Darcy. Alice refused, the bald man was called and Alice went to the funny farm… somewhat willingly.
In Wonderland, Alice runs into an enchanted forest filled with flowers that spray powerful antidepressants at her and really, really doesn't want to leave once her pain is gone. Which is a problem because: A) she's supposed to be searching for Cyrus, and B) the enchanted forest is an evil forest that turns its inhabitants into inanimate trees over time. This episode took down big Pharma like whoa, y'all. Luckily, the Knave arrived and wasn't affected by the drugs because he never put his heart back in his chest after Alice got it back for him, so he snapped her out of it and off they went.
As for Cyrus, he got away from Jafar's men, but the Red Queen has found him and wants him and his bottle all for herself. She imprisons him on a floating island in the sky that looks like a crappy video game. Cyrus is screwed again! A floating island is a nicer place to be than a sex cage dungeon, though, I'd say. Prison upgrade!
Jafar and the White Rabbit travel to Victorian England and make two stops. First, they freak out the bald man with the White Rabbit again, which was fun. Then, they went to Alice's father and offered to take him to her. From the looks of next week's previews, he accepts an all-inclusive trip to Wonderland and Jafar has his new Alice bait. Hopefully Alice realizes that her father is terrible and just lets him die. FAMILY!
Want to tweet about this poor, god-forsaken show with me? I am available at all times and spaces at @garnisheater. I am the White Rabbit of social media and so can you!
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show starts.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jafar makes a big entrance in an Alice-era British park by exploding through the ground and landing on the grass like a triumphant Olympic gymnast. He startles an idle gentleman painting a landscape of the city skyline, as if we need more of those. The White Rabbit follows Jafar, which prompts some stammering queries from the park artist, but Jafar doesn't have time for any of that noise. He needs to know the way to Bethlem hospital, and then he needs to kill the painter and take his fancy little outfit. Everyone's a critic.
Bethlem Asylum. The Bald Man is putting drops of poison in his water, so he's doing well. Jafar knocks on his door and enters in his park artist attire all smiles and cordiality. He presents himself as a "Dr. Sheffield" who is looking for information about a former patient. The Bald Man pretends not to remember Alice, but he begins to have a total panic attack at the mere mention of her name. Jafar puts up with that charade for about three seconds before he pulls the White Rabbit out of his bag and scares the living shit out of Bald Man, who has "tried so hard to forget" about that demon rabbit. If anyone actually watched this show besides me I'd recommend a drinking game rule for every time someone either stuffs the White Rabbit into a sack or pulls him out of one. Happens at minimum once per episode.
The Red Queen charges into Jafar's dungeon tower and finds Jafar, Cyrus and the usual guards gone. She somewhat violently interrogates Cyrus's old prison buddy about where everyone went, and he tries stalling with lies for a moment before ending with a dig about how she can never beat Cyrus, Alice and the power of true love. Ever get the feeling that a six-year-old is writing most of the dialogue on this show? Or even maybe somebody on loan from The Bachelor?
Cyrus is scaling the mountain beneath the tower, making his way down to the ground in a death-defying, extreme sports kind of way. He can hear the guards yelling as they pursue him as conspicuously as humanly possible, so he should probably get a move on. But first! He pauses on a landing and sends a telepathic message to the universe inquiring about Alice's location. This makes Alice's necklace light up with a giant purple blast that he – and everyone else in Wonderland, I'm assuming -- can see from where he is, which is actually pretty far away. Ever the upbeat lady, Alice tells her necklace (that again!) that all she has to do is follow the sun all the way West and she'll find Cyrus. Does the sun not move throughout the day in Wonderland? This seems like a bad plan.