Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Be Careful What You Witch For
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.17.2000
Halliwell Manor. Attic. Phoebe's put on her sexy black frames and, like a fool, is standing on her sprained ankle while she combs through the pages of the BoS. Frenie mists into the room and goes straight into the hard sell. Does she want "fame and fortune"? After taxes, no. Land? Power? Beauty? She says no. (I can't believe the script-writer even included the beauty question in there; I might have thumped Alyssa pretty hard about her acting abilities in these recaps but I will readily admit that she's a babe.) Phoebe wonders why Frenie isn't in the BoS. Frenie expositions that the only way to be rid of him is to take him up on the wishes. He admits that he can't grant "world peace," however. Phoebe notes the "fine print" and the limitations of his job. Frenie segues, "What about yours?" and points at her ankle. Shannen directs Alyssa to look down at the ankle, then helpfully provides a shot of Alyssa's bandaged foot. Because we'd all forgotten about that ankle, and might have gotten really confused. Whatever. Phoebe calls it an "occupational hazard." Frenie offers to make her "as powerful" as she wishes. Phoebe hesitates, then declines. Frenie, while making "you're loony" finger-loop gestures at the side of his head: "Not interested? Not interested in absolute power? You're a ROCKET SCIENTIST!" Phoebe does a double take. As does Owen. Um, SHOUT-OUT? I'm serious this time.
P3 After Dark. Oy. Piper is blathering to Leo about her need to "be honest" with Dan about Leo's identity. The hell? She doesn't owe him a goddamn thing. Besides, what happened to the Halliwells trying to keep their witchcraft secret? Piper didn't fill Dan in while they were dating; why would she want to come clean now, especially after he's wigged and become a completely untrustworthy loose cannon? Why, why, why? Leo, to his credit, wonders, "What more does he need to know?" Piper segues into her desire to know more about Leo. Where does he go when he orbs off? Does he "have a house, friends, a CD player"? If she'd also asked why he showers and where he gets his clothes and how it's possible that he can have sex, then we'd know that the writers are definitely reading posts in our forums. Piper tells Leo that she wants to "experience" his off-camera surroundings. Just then, Dan "Buff Don't Live Here Anymore" Gordon walks into the club like he owns the place, sees Piper with Leo, and freaks. Piper tells him not to leave; she wants to talk. Dan pouts and tells her that there's nothing to say, "it's her life." Word. My point exactly. LEAVE, Dan. But no, Piper asks Leo to make himself scarce so she can have some face time alone with her stalker. Whatever! Dan whines, "How can you be with this guy after everything I found out about him? He's a fraud!" Piper: "I know who he is; always have." Dan bitches that he wasted "all this time worrying about [her]." Piper: "It's very complicated." Dan: "Complicated . . . complicated." Greg Vaughan tries to look wounded as he milks one of his last lines of dialogue on this show. He thankfully heads towards the exit. Leo approaches Piper, and she quite wrongfully insists, "He's right. He deserves to know. What will I tell him? I wish there was somehow he could just get on with his life." Know what, Piper? He's a grown-up. "Moving on" is up to him. Drop it! Oh, did I mention that Frenie had misted into the background and overheard her wish about Dan? Because he did, and grants it by snapping his fingers.