Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Inside Job
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.06.2009
(But so is this just Stee doing an awesome Alanis impression, or does Alanis somehow warp all the words into Alanis wisdom using her wise Alanis powers? Like if they gave her a gun and made her say, "This jerk jacked Shane's weed," for e.g., would it somehow come out sounding like an epiphany or something you once knew but had forgotten until she reminded you? I say yes, because that's basically what happened on Sex & The City, only instead of thugging out it was depressingly dumbass polymorphously perverse "we don't care about the old folks"/"bisexuality is the new black" Totally '90s sadness that made me feel bad for everyone involved.)
Shane is throwing things at other things in the yard, beer bottles at teapots, while Isabelle looks on joyfully and some kind of crap death metal plays in the background. "Fucking cockbreath asshole dickhead shitbrain mancunt!" Shane screams, which is not bad; certainly "mancunt" is a phrase whose moment has arrived. Ignacio comes out of the house and guns down all the teapots, then turns off the shitty music, so you can really hear all the car alarms he just set off. "Angry rich white children. You're rich and white, why so angry?" Isabelle is so, so funny: "Shane got jacked for his weed? I just like seeing shit break." Everything she says is awesome. Shane explains, and then as though to clarify, Isabelle goes, "By an English teacher," as though that's just the living end. Ignacio asks what they're going to do about it, and Isabelle smiles the smile of a woman who has just come upon her first U-Turn.
Nancy and Andy come home bearing flats of herbs and plants, like Alanis suggested. He's dragging a little wagon up the sidewalk and yelling all the bad things in the world, while she says the names of all the herbs back at him, the oasis. "One in five chance of being austistic," he says; she says, "Why did I buy marjoram?" He clarifies that he's talking about not "the fun, card-counting savant kind" but the "zombie eyes" kind, that you soothe and rock, that are helmeted. But what does he think of coriander? Andy thinks nothing of coriander. "But it's nice in a curry. You have to get rid of this baby."
He tells her about the money -- Which, couldn't Nancy the widow just get the money? Yes, but then Andy wouldn't be the hero, the provider; it would be another taser and another pissed pair of pants -- and reminds her of the waters she's swimming in now: dark, even for her. She explains that she will plant things, and they will bloom and flourish, and smell good, and the moods will rise, and the dark waters will run clear. He keeps talking about the money, and about gophers, as she covers her ears: even if she builds a fence, they could already be in the garden. Sucking nutrients from her soil.
Silas is freaking because they're nearly out of viable plants, even if they've found a dispensary. Their cop friend sends them to the Wizard, who went from real estate to being a pot agent. A what? Yes. Pot dealers and growers are generally too stoned to do math, the cop says, while dancing. Doug the former CPA agrees that math is hard, and says he wants to run point in negotiating with the Wizard: "Nobody takes a blonde man seriously!" He takes a toke off a joint clipped into a ticket caddy as it spins; it sticks to his wet lip and drags his face along with it, inspiring confidence in all three partners.